I have been writing in a journal since I was 10. I have been writing in an online journal for 8 years. I have always felt like I express myself better through the written word.
Writing is my most successful coping mechanism. I have been through a lot on my short 24 years on this Earth, and I feel like I have come through my life with God shaping and molding me into a better version of myself every step of the way.
Infertility is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, but it's not the only hard thing. I have had a lot of hard times. I know by being able to look back and hindsight is 20/20.
It's amazing to watch God's plan unfold in front of me. It's amazing to see how God used such small and seemingly insignificant situations to change our lives and mold us.
At this point I'm hoping for a lot of good to come our way. In our almost 3 years of marriage we have gone to Hell and back and somehow managed to stay together. We have learned how to protect our marriage from every angle. Satan has tried to rip us apart using our friends and our families as tools. Satan has tried every single thing he can think of so far and tried to take away every thing he thought was holding us together.
And we are still here.
Still clinging to each other and clinging to God.
I feel like Job. Obviously, not to the extreme that Job suffered, but I feel like Satan was behind Jack's pay cut in Wisconsin and then Jack's contract ending and not being renewed and us having to move home quickly so we weren't stuck 500 miles away with no way out. I feel like Satan has everything to do with our infertility. We have suffered a lot of losses. Loss of jobs, loss of families, loss of support systems, loss of friends and loss of dreams.
"Once again, I'll say Amen and it's still raining..."