When Jack and I knew we were going to get married, we decided and agreed that I was going to be a stay at home mom. We would have lots of children relatively quickly in our marriage and I would stay home with them and then home school them once they became of school age. We agreed at the time, when I was 21 years old, that there was no need for me to finish school. It would be of no use to me and it was a waste of time and money and didn't fit into our plan.
I'm going to be 25 in February. We have zero kids. I am still only working part time and here and there, depending on what jobs I can find and hold on to. I think we are still kind of holding out hope that somehow this is going to still happen for us. Somehow, some way, I am going to be leaving my part time, going no where job so that I can follow the original plan.... Go back to being a full time wife and mom.
Not being able to conceive has left me feeling like my life has no purpose. Since I was probably 13 or 14, all I aspired to be in my life was a Mom. I wanted to have lots of kids and love them and be all about them and give them a happy life. I dreamed for that and yearned for that. All of my friends planned careers and while I did attend University, I majored in a field that I was interested in and found incredibly easy just to pass the time. All of my friends went to school and had plans and stuck to them and now they are starting their careers.
I'm still here... spinning my wheels... waiting for the light to turn to green so I can take off from the start on my life.