It's amazing how horrifying those two words together are in the world of infertility. They are two simple words, but when you put them together... they create such an unbelievable level of anxiety, terror, pain, heartache and sorrow.
At our church, when you walk in the front doors, you immediately walk through a hallway where people stand on either side and greet and welcome you and shake your hand. Also, there are people standing on the sides of the hallway passing out fliers to those they believe will be interested. A few weeks ago, I got the flier for the month of April's calendar for the Women's ministries. On Sunday, there was a woman with a table set up with happy colors and all sorts of fliers... and then all of a sudden, I see that it's for the Mother's Day brunch. Queue panic.
Without even thinking, I literally turned my head away from her and looked at the other wall, then turned my entire body away from her so that my back was to her and walked sideways down this hallway. I probably looked ridiculous. I didn't care. The last thing on Earth that I wanted to happen was for her to smile and try to hand me that brochure. How do you smile and reply, "Nope, that doesn't apply to me."
I know there are cynics out there who will think my actions are ridiculous and unnecessary. I am sure there are people out there with hearts so hardened to others' pain and struggles that will think of me as rude for not even acknowledging this person. I know, because I have dealt with these people in years past around this "holiday." Even family members are so self involved that they will literally say, "Well I'm a mother, you should get over yourself for one minute and celebrate other people." In telling me that I'm being selfish, they spew out some ridiculous selfish statement about how they need to be celebrated themselves. Really, so the other 364 days this year, you're going to be celebrating me? You're going to be praying for me? I don't and didn't think so.
This day is hard by itself, but people challenging and berating people struggling with infertility is what makes it so hard.