I have 5 or 6 drafts saved of posts that I have started in the last week, but was too distracted to finish and publish. I have so much on my mind and it's hard to concentrate long enough to write out a post that makes sense from beginning to end.
For starters: Our last home visit is tomorrow morning. I am over the moon and terrified at the same time. We are doing our interviews tomorrow, and 9am is a little too early to get up and talk about what our marriage has been like, what my childhood was like and what infertility is like... but we will get through it.
We have our nursery all set up. Surreal is the only word that I can think of to describe what it feels like to have two child bedrooms set up and waiting for the Lord to fill with His children. I'm scared and excited.
Jack and I picked up the crib on Tuesday evening and drove home, emptied out the bedroom that was my mom's for a little while, moved the queen sized bed down to the basement for storage. Then we set to work setting up the crib.
It's a beautiful crib, and it looks great in the room.
I think the reason I am struggling to finish a post is because I am struggling to put into words what's going on inside my head and my heart lately. I'm confused and lost. I'm sad and grieving over how I had always imagined it would be to set up a nursery. I'm just grieving weird little things that I can't even explain or expect other people to understand. I can't even put things into to words to talk to Jack about it.
But I am so happy too. I am happy and hopeful for the future. I am trying to imagine every day what it will be like to be a mother, even if it's only for a little while. What will it be like to be able to comfort and help these kids? To be able to do fun little things like making birthday cupcakes to take to school on their birthday like my mom used to do... To play catch in the yard. I'm so excited but so scared to be hopeful for those things because I've hoped for that before and I feel that loss still. I know that when we follow God's plan for our lives that things always end up bigger and better than we could have ever imagined... I guess I'm just going through the motions and having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other. I know that we are doing what we are supposed to do, and I know that we are climbing out of the valley that we have been in.... but climbing out of the valley is hard work.
In other huge news: Jack starts his new job on Monday. There was such a cluster with this new job. It turns out there was some sort of miss communication and mess up with Jack getting his degree almost 6 years ago, and with all the craziness that was our life back then... Jack working full time and over time at his job, then also taking classes at the college for certificates for his job and career, and then with Jack working on his car, and us getting married and then moving to Wisconsin and moving back... it sort of got misplaced and lost in the shuffle and forgotten about... and then discovered when Chrysler did their background check. Jack's degree wasn't complete, and because he had forgotten about it for so many years, his program was no longer current and in order to graduate he would need to do the current curriculum and not the curriculum from 5 1/2 years ago. Thank God for Jack's brother who made a huge impression on his professor at the college, and because of Jack's brother putting in a good word for Jack, this guy helped Jack straighten everything out with the Dean and Jack was allowed to substitute one of his other classes and get his degree. And ultimately, get the job at Chrysler. So big huge thanks to Daren, if he hadn't blown that guy's socks off and become friends with him, who knows where we would be now with the degree mishap. And the new job.
We are really happy about the new job.... While they fought long and hard to let Jack go from his current job, ultimately for the future, what's best for us was for Jack to pursue Chrysler. I'm happy that it worked out and hopeful for the future. I think that he will have a lot of opportunities and be able to make a lot of contacts and he has a lot of room to keep moving up in his career. I think one of the main things that Jack is happy about ... besides having gone from working on Ford and GM in the last year... he's back to his heart and soul and passion... Chrysler :)
I feel like a big dork, but I have a LOT of pride in the big 3. They are what make this State tick and what drives this great country! My Papa worked for Ford for 50 years. Jack's Grandpas both worked at Chrysler and retired from Chrysler. Jack's dad works for Chrysler too. Jack's uncle also works at Chrysler. And his brother and now he is there. In the past Jack has worked for suppliers for Chrysler, but now he's there, in the tech center! It's so exciting!
God is really working lots of big things together in our life right now. I know it's a long time coming, but it's crazy to see everything falling into place and coming together.
In other not so life changing news, we have been working on gathering wood from everywhere. It's been lots of hard work and I can't describe how excited I am to go to the Chiropractor tomorrow! I wouldn't want Jack to start his job with his traditional back completely out to the point where he can't even walk through the doors on his first week... like he has for his last two jobs haha.
I am really looking forward to this summer too. Besides being licensed for Foster Care, we have a lot going on! My brother-in-law is getting married, and I'm so excited to be throwing my future sister-in-law a shower! That will be a super fun tea party :P And then their wedding later in the summer will be amazing too!
When I am ready I will post pictures of the bedrooms.
This week we are praising the Lord for Jack's new job. Also praising the Lord for the completion of our foster care licensing requirements... now all we need to do is wait for our license to come in the mail.
-We are praying for peace every day that we walk past the empty crib and empty beds in the house, we know it's what we are supposed to be doing but it's not easy to see it highlighted in front of our faces that the crib is empty. The rooms are empty. So praying for peace as we wait on God's timing.
-We are praying that everything goes smoothly on Jack's last day of work today, and that he can rest up this weekend and feel prepared to start this new job and chapter of his life on Monday.
-We are praying that everything goes smoothly with our interviews and home visit tomorrow morning.