Friday, June 17, 2011

Why do we do this to ourselves... Worry accomplishes nothing.

Our final home visit was this morning. We were ridiculously over prepared and over nervous. Again, Andrea, our licensing worker is a total sweetheart and we had nothing to worry about. It was a very comfortable visit and it really wasn't that overly intrusive. It was super calm and relaxing. Everything went smoothly.

Basically, Andrea used our self studies that we filled out 3 months ago and typed up her report and then when she got here she flipped through the 25+ pages and just filled in the blanks. I guess we were very thorough answering the questions, because she didn't have very many questions. Just small things like What was the name of your school district? And Where does each of your siblings live and do they have kids.

Not one question at all was asked about infertility. I guess I am so used to all of the rude and intrusive questions that people ask upon finding out that we cannot conceive. For example, "Why do you want kids?" I think that question really annoys me above all others. Couples who conceive on their own dont have to answer to anyone, let alone these rude people... Who do they think they are and why do we have to justify it to them? Or questions like, "whose fault is it?" Well, I guess you can thank God for our infertility, He made us specifically this way with a greater purpose in mind.

Its uncomfortable to constantly have to plead our case with our desire to have children and a family in the court of public opinion. I am indescribably relieved that we didn't essentially have to plead our case and beg for the chance to be allowed to foster. Instead, we were respected for our decision and it was taken at face value and not dissected or challenged. Hallelujah for that victory!

She came upstairs and checked out our nursery and looked at our swag. It was really more like showing a friend all the stuff we have than being inspected and scrutinized. I am sure every licensing worker is different, but we are treated with respect and that is such a welcome change.

With infertility, even in the doctors offices, we are constantly challenged for our decisions and what we want to do. I suppose we are not typical IF patients in that we have very limited treatments that we are willing to pursue. I suppose it might be because of our severe male factor infertility. But it seems that the stronger our convictions and the more upfront we are, the harder we are challenged. But with this foster/adopt process, we have not felt any resistance.

In short, it looks like we are looking at anywhere from a month to two months wait until we are officially licensed and can have children placed in our care.

Look for a new post some time this weekend or next week on how to announce your pregnancy to friends who struggle with infertility, and what to expect from your friends that struggle with infertility during your pregnancy and afterwards. I plan to describe in detail the things that will either make or break your friendship for life. I have experienced both in our journey through infertility. I have definitely lost friends and been hurt by them, and also been so blessed by kindness and thoughtfulness from my non infertile friends. I have been wanting to write this one for months, so it will definitly be a long one!


  1. Allison! What great news about how smoothly this went. It can be exhausting having to explain everything about infertility to everyone who wants to know. I'm so glad you didn't have to concern yourself with these matters. Praise God. Can't wait to hear more.

  2. That is AWESOME! I'm so glad it went so well for you guys. You guys are such deserving parents and I'm so glad this process has gone smoothly for you. I'm still waiting to see pictures.


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