Monday, August 1, 2011

Not much to report yet... Hopeful and Worried

I read an interesting article about pregnancy after infertility.  Women who experience years of infertility believe from experience that their bodies are not capable of doing what God created them to do.  Thousands of dollars and thousands of tears have taught us women with infertility very well that our bodies are NOT to be trusted.  Not to be trusted to ovulate on their own.  Not to be trusted to ovulate even when we are given nearly inhumane amounts of follicle stimulating hormones, that one must chart to *be sure* ovulation has occurred.  Not to be trusted for our period to come when it's supposed to.  Our bodies are just plain and simple, Not to be Trusted. 

As a result of our skepticism of our bodies and our inability to trust them to do as designed, it rolls over into pregnancy as well.  My body couldn't be trusted to do ANYTHING it was supposed to do before when it was supposed to do it... how closely am I going to have to manage and watch over this pregnancy?  After years of failures, I'm used to expecting failure.  It makes sense.  It's not pessimism or negativity.  It's reality.

Each little twinge and pain that I have felt, I have questioned endlessly.  I am trying to tell my brain not to fall too in love with my beta number that was oh-so-high.  I'm trying to help myself to not be disappointed for the inevitable fail that will come with this... because that's what I'm used to. 

I'm very grateful to have minimal cramping (which seems normal considering how much your uterus has to grow... supposedly by 7 weeks it's already 2 times the size it is normally.... is that just NUTS or what?)  I have had no spotting or bleeding, which I still religously check for each time I go to the bathroom, which seems to have multiplied from the normal amount that I need to urinate.

Everything appears to be going smashingly.  I've also read places that the more morning sickness you have, the more likely you will deliver a healthy baby... so that being said, I'm having a super healthy baby :)

Today, I had my first appointment with my OB/GYN (amazing that I don't drop the OB part off, as I have become so accustomed to in the past 3 1/2 years.)  I met with the Nurse Practitioner to go over patient history.  I am overall an incredibly healthy woman.  Jack is a healthy man.  And we have healthy families (as far as I know.) 

Wednesday will be our first ultrasound.  A lot of OB's are no longer doing this ultrasound which I find kind of odd, but whatever.  This ultrasound is to determine viability.  Is this baby in my uterus... or in my tube or somewhere else entirely?  I have to know, I couldn't imagine not getting this ultrasound!!

Jack is taking time off work to come with me on Wednesday.  We will be praying that all goes well and that we can see our baby and see a healthy and strong heartbeat as well.

We are cautiously optimistic.  For right now... I'm pregnant! 7 weeks 5 days.

5 comments:

  1. What you are feeling is definitely normal. I rejoice with each milestone. Once I made it through the first trimester the worrying didn't stop though. I am 21 weeks and some days and I still find things to trouble my heart. I think after reading what you wrote about how we as infertile women view our bodies is spot on. Praying for your upcoming ultrasound :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Allison-
    I found your blog after searching YouTube and finding the video of your mom. I have absolutely loved your blog. I started at the beginning and have made it here in a day and a half. I feel we are kindred spirits. We TTC for a year (with clomid) when we finally were blessed with our little boy. Now we have been TTC for a year and 10 months, I couldn't handle the emotional roller coasters of clomid, so we decided to give it to the Lord. If it was going to happen it would be on His time frame. We were at the point of calling it quits. We had our son, "maybe we were only meant to have 1 blessing. Why should we be greedy." we just found out that I'm 7 weeks pregnant. God does grant miracles. I am so happy to find your blog and not only feel my own joy but to experience yours as well! God bless!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Allison-
    I found your blog after searching YouTube and finding the video of your mom. I have absolutely loved your blog. I started at the beginning and have made it here in a day and a half. I feel we are kindred spirits. We TTC for a year (with clomid) when we finally were blessed with our little boy. Now we have been TTC for a year and 10 months, I couldn't handle the emotional roller coasters of clomid, so we decided to give it to the Lord. If it was going to happen it would be on His time frame. We were at the point of calling it quits. We had our son, "maybe we were only meant to have 1 blessing. Why should we be greedy." we just found out that I'm 7 weeks pregnant. God does grant miracles. I am so happy to find your blog and not only feel my own joy but to experience yours as well! God bless!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Allison-
    I found your blog after searching YouTube and finding the video of your mom. I have absolutely loved your blog. I started at the beginning and have made it here in a day and a half. I feel we are kindred spirits. We TTC for a year (with clomid) when we finally were blessed with our little boy. Now we have been TTC for a year and 10 months, I couldn't handle the emotional roller coasters of clomid, so we decided to give it to the Lord. If it was going to happen it would be on His time frame. We were at the point of calling it quits. We had our son, "maybe we were only meant to have 1 blessing. Why should we be greedy." we just found out that I'm 7 weeks pregnant. God does grant miracles. I am so happy to find your blog and not only feel my own joy but to experience yours as well! God bless!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Allison-
    I found your blog after searching YouTube and finding the video of your mom. I have absolutely loved your blog. I started at the beginning and have made it here in a day and a half. I feel we are kindred spirits. We TTC for a year (with clomid) when we finally were blessed with our little boy. Now we have been TTC for a year and 10 months, I couldn't handle the emotional roller coasters of clomid, so we decided to give it to the Lord. If it was going to happen it would be on His time frame. We were at the point of calling it quits. We had our son, "maybe we were only meant to have 1 blessing. Why should we be greedy." we just found out that I'm 7 weeks pregnant. God does grant miracles. I am so happy to find your blog and not only feel my own joy but to experience yours as well! God bless!

    ReplyDelete

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