Thursday, September 29, 2011

SMUG - A definition and opinion of those who fall in that category.

Smug - an adjective.
1. contentedly confident of one's ability, superiority, or correctness; complacent.
2. self-satisfied

synonyms: complacent, conceited, egoistic, egotistical, holier-than-thou, hotshot, pompous, priggish, puffed-up, self-contented, self-righteous, self-satisfied, snobbish, stuck on oneself, stuck-up, stuffy, superior, vainglorious

Before you read this post and take it personally, I want you to remember that this is not directed at every person who has ever given me any advice.  There is a distinct difference between offering helpful advice and tips on what has worked for them and what I am about to outline and describe below.

Smug is the best way that I can think to describe a lot of 2nd or more time moms that I have come in to contact with lately.  Whether on the internet or in person, I seem to attract this personality type for some reason.

Being smug is not a good quality.  Being smug is not a positive thing.

Here are some examples of a smug mom:
1.  While discussing parenting plans with a pregnant first time mom, a first time mom might say something along the lines of, "I don't think we will plan on co-sleeping.  I have known a lot of people who have done that and I didn't really like how their kids turned out and the behaviors that I witnessed at bedtime."   A smug mom will reply, "Oh, you have NO idea what you're going to do."   Instant shut down, and dismissal. 

Here's an example that I have personally experienced which I find incredibly unpleasant, not helpful at all and downright rude... as well as, of course, smug.
1.  I write some silly status about how I had a pregnancy melt down while at the grocery store.  I am well aware that my audience on facebook is very mixed... in ages and backgrounds and personal experiences.  That being said, I have chosen to NOT highlight each and every gory detail of my pregnancy.  This one special example, I found funny as in I'm crying out of exhaustion and then look in the mirror and realize how ridiculous I look and pull myself together type of funny.  Apparently that was not conveyed or that was ignored.  Here is what a smug mom replies... Either to my face, or behind my back, because of course, sometimes smugness does not always go along with boldness. 
"You think you're tired now... you have NO idea.

May I please be the one to point out just how that statement is a.) unhelpful; b.) rude; and, c.) smug.

Bravo to the smug moms who are able to be smug and rude to my face.  Somehow it's like some sort of hazing ritual that suddenly people who have been through first time motherhood before need to make it as miserable as possible for those who go through this after them.  Because smug moms did it to them, and they didn't enjoy any conversation that they had with any mom who had already been through it, they have to pass on the torch down to the next generation. 

Telling their horror stories in the delivery room... or their gory miscarriage details... or how they didn't get anything that they wanted at all in their birth plan...  Whatever the case may be, these smug women are rude. 

No one needs your snotty comments about how you KNOW how it is and you've been there.  EVERY pregnancy is different and EVERY baby is different.  I do NOT feel the need to tell you what I'm doing or how I'm doing because I've already experienced YOUR kind... I don't need to hear your opinion on what will or wont stop my morning sickness.

Oh I LOVE getting advice from moms who "Felt nauseous but never threw up" and they think that they can tell me to just "get out of the house and do more"  or "eat some crackers before you get out of bed."  There is NOTHING fun about running to the closest garbage can while you're walking through a crowded mall to puke in the can in front of 100's of strangers while you simultaneously pee your pants.  Um, Absolutely positively NO THANK YOU.  And by the way, I doubt that I will ever be able to just munch on a cracker again in my life.  The THOUGHT of crackers makes me gag.   My doctor has me on the maximum dose of Zofran and I am STILL throwing up... so hey, I don't think crackers and gingerale are gonna cut it for me, but thanks for being all smug and patting me on my head all patronizingly because yep, that was so helpful. 

Maybe what I am experiencing is because most of the people who are bestowing such golden nuggets of wisdom on me haven't stopped telling me all about their own pregnancy horror stories long enough to listen to what's actually going on with me... but they are an all-knowing-mom so they KNOW what is going on with me. 

Maybe it's because I'm not constantly complaining and bemoaning being pregnant... because while I am having a hard time and this pregnancy has been difficult for me, I am the first to say how shocked I am that I had no idea that a pregnancy could be like this.  But I know what it took for Jack and I to get here, and I do not feel the need to join the camp of complaining about my pregnancy at every right and left turn... which I feel like a lot of people are waiting for me to do.  I remember what Jack and I went through... which leads me to another one of my least favorite things that people have said to me.

The conversation goes something like this:
Person:  How are you feeling?
Me:  Oh, getting by.  Still throwing up.
Person:  You're still throwing up... that should go away by (insert the week after wherever I am in the pregnancy)
Me:  Oh yeah... well I'm not counting on it.
Person:  Be careful what you wish for. 

Am I the only one who finds this to be an appalling thing to say to someone who struggled with infertility for 4 years? Be careful what I wish for?  Did I complain?? No.  Did I seek you out to tell you that I was still throwing up??  No, as a matter of fact, I politely decline any and all invitations that come my way so as to not subject anyone to my vomiting.  I am stating a fact when I am asking how I'm feeling.  I'm feeling nauseous and I throw up a lot.  I'm not saying Oh god I hate this I never wanted this I don't want to do this... which is probably what anyone who didn't spend a lifetime praying for something to happen and finally get it after being told it would NEVER happen, WOULD do... but I am not that person.
Bottom line:  Being smug is not attractive... and no one finds it helpful.  Being smug is an UGLY characteristic.    

So this is to all you smug moms out there that I have somehow come in contact with... whether I know you, or not.  I can almost hear the swell of chests as women rapidly inhale because they suddenly feel convicted or targeted by this post.  Probably cracking their knuckles as they get ready to start typing out the nastiest smug mom comment that they can think of here... just to tell me... just to put me in my first time mom place.  Or they are about to run to the phone to chat with their friends or family and gossip about how I just "have no idea" and they can feel all better about themselves and how they have done in life and how far they have come from when they were just a little ole peon first time mom themselves.  And maybe, if a group of catty moms all band together, they can form a smug mom online group and they can start posting together about how stupid first time moms are and brainstorm together how they can be the least helpful and most scathing to each and every first time mom who has any opinion whatsoever. 

And also --- much love to every mom in my life who has NOT been this way... because there are a lot more of YOU than smug moms.  Somehow the stink of smugness seems to sometimes outweigh the good of great mom friends, and I am so blessed to have so many friends and family members who have been awesome to me. 

 And I leave you with this special song... which should be edited to say pregnant women (and 2nd+ time moms) are smug!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Oh morning sickness... Back so soon??

I think I spoke too soon yesterday when Jack's Grandma called me to see how I was feeling.  I told her it was the best day that I had, and how much I got done.  Silly me...

Last night Jack made this awesome dinner of whole wheat spaghetti and meat sauce with meat balls.  It was so tasty and I ate WAYYYY more than I should have.  He brought me this big plate and I told him there was no way I could eat it all and I would say I stuffed about 3/4 of a plateful down.  SO good.  Somehow he's getting to be a better and better cook... or maybe it just tastes so good because I'm not cooking or cleaning?? (Yep even on my best day he still made me dinner because he's the best husby ever.)  Anyhow... this amount that I ate, while probably close to a normal pre-pregnancy sized portion, is about 1 1/2 or 2 times what I have been able to eat since I've been pregnant.  (I still find it NUTS to write that.) 

So I finally got to sleep last night, fully regretting my pig out and thinking that spaghetti and sauce was going to come out of my ears.  After taking the max dose of Tums to kill my heartburn, of course. 

I woke up in the morning, even more regretting my choice to eat so much... feeling like it was still rotting in my stomach, all 12 times that I woke up to pee from 11pm to 6am, I began to feel more and more nauseous.  Finally, as Jack was getting ready to leave and kissing me goodbye, I had him grab my barf bowl off the floor... (Lord, that bowl has become a permanent fixture all around our house and not in the cupboard lol)  and he went to kiss me goodbye and that just pushed me over the edge.  No, not his kisses, but having something so close to my face. 

Before Jack had even pulled out of the driveway, I was already hugging the toilet.  Thank God there was no more spaghetti in my stomach, because that would just be miserable to throw up... Weird things you become thankful for and conscious of when you throw up what you eat...  But I spent a solid 15 minutes in the bathroom emptying out my stomach.  I made it downstairs and got some of my medicine, and I am so sick of the taste of it (it's pills that dissolve on your tongue) so I drank a few gulps of water to rinse it down. 

It wasn't another 10 minutes after that that my body was all :: z snap ::  Uhhh Uhhhh, Oh no you Diiiinnnnt.  And I hugged the toilet again while my body rejected the water and the pills that are supposed to make me not throw up.  Lovely!

I think I jinxed myself.  Dang. 

Hopefully this was just a one day fluke.... but I thought after yesterday and feelin' so good... for SURE I was out of the woods.   NOPE.  Not quite yet... this little baby monster has other things in store for me!

In other news... Yesterday while I felt good, I managed to complete just about everything that was on my list yesterday.   I am way too lazy to pull it up in another window and read through it again to see what all I wrote... but here's all that I did:

- Bank ... Deposited our escrow refund check and paid off both credit cards... whoopiiieeeeee.... debt free is the way to be... (except the mortgage. )

- Joann's ... where I found the perfect fabric for mine and Ashley's faux Moby wraps... it was $9.99 a yard and not on sale and I didn't have a coupon... so I cheaped out and decided to wait for a coupon.
I also found PUL fabric... which is the waterproofing things that I will need to make diaper covers for my cloth diapers... which is pretty darn exciting.  It was $9.99 a yard also, and not on sale and again, no coupons so I didn't buy that yet either.

- Chiropractor ... I haven't seen dear ole Dr. Gage since before I was pregnant since I have felt so crappy, and I desperately needed to be realigned!   I walked in and he made some comment about Baby being on board so I pulled my tshirt tight to show him my little bump and he had some words to say that I don't share on this blog ;)  Apparently, I look pregnant to him.   I did discover how painful it is to have my lower back adjusted now, which I was not expecting at all.  And also that it is NOT comfortable at all to lay on my stomach while he adjusts my hips from the top.  :(  I won't be doing that again. 

I also managed to squeeze in a visit with my MIL and FIL while I was driving through town.  I was about 2 hours early to go to the chiropractor and didn't feel like hanging out in his parking lot while I waited for him to come back from lunch, so I called MIL at home and asked if she felt like company.  FIL came in while we were visiting in the kitchen to eat lunch before leaving for work and I think that's one of the first times in a LONG time that it has been just me and the two of them hanging out. 

In between my 5 hour long nap today (is it even called a nap if I literally slept almost the entire time Jack was at work?)  I spent a little bit of time researching more about Cloth Diapers online.  I bought 2 different kinds of prefolds from so I can check them out... I also bought a lot of 3 snappi's on ebay... so hopefully those will come soon.

Ohh yeah... Yesterday another baby purchase came in the mail... I bought a JJ Cole Bundleme off of ebay.  Since we live in Michigan... and we can get snow through May sometimes...  I thought it would be a good idea to get something like this.  But we aren't going to be able to get a full winter's use out of it, and it's a newborn size, so I won't be able to use it for the 2nd winter.  I thought it would be better to get it off ebay, gently used.  As soon as I got it, I threw it in the washing machine... who sells something that they haven't even washed yet... Sheesh.

Jack and I played with it as soon as it came out of the dryer...  I think it matches our infant seat well enough...
The flash sort of makes the greens not look very good together, but in normal light, it looks great.  Oh yes... this is where our stuff sits in the nursery waiting to be used. 

This is the bundle me cover thinger in the seat.  You can also see the two greens together.  It's getting close to dusk outside, there were no lights on in the room and it's raining outside too, so the flash is really giving slightly inaccurate color representation.  But it's still close enough that we don't care.

This is the little frog that we determined to be closest to newborn size of all the toys that we had to stuff in there.  So that's what it looks like... the straps are on the 2nd setting, so not the newborn setting, which is what makes the headrest look so high.  That needs to be lowered.   But anyway... pretend that was our little offspring in there.  All cuddly and cozy and warm.

That's what it looks like unzipped.... and yes... we totally have this little frog chilling in the seat buckled in.  We may or may not have spent a few minutes rocking said frog in said seat... but I'm not giving anything away.

Also --- This is my absolute FAVORITE FAVORITE baby buy.  This little outfit was from Gymboree.  I think we got 0-3 month size.  I LOVE it.  We also got another pair of socks too that are green and white striped but I loved the little elephants on the socks!!!  The Little Peanut on the pants is on the bum.  Isn't it cute?!  I LOOOOOOVE the gray and green and white.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Lots of stuff to do!! Random frugal ramblings.

Jack and I have been thinking a lot about what vehicle I need to get to replace my 2 door Dakota.  My truck is awesome and I love it and if we weren't having a baby, I'd totally want to keep it.  But... A child seat is not going to fit safely in my extended cab truck.  Which now leaves us with trying to pick another vehicle.

Jack and I like to buy used vehicles for a lot of reasons, but mostly, it's great not to have a car payment.  Jack is fully capable of maintaining all of our vehicles, which keeps our repair bills down since we only have to pay for parts instead of parts and labor.  The insurance on older vehicles is also cheaper too. 

Yesterday we went and looked at a Durango for me.  I don't know what it was about the guy that we were going to buy it from but about 100 things about him, I didn't like.  Jack thought it was a great deal, for a non rusty truck (in Michigan, that's equal to Gold.)  I wasn't comfortable with the price and I had Jack wayyy lowball him.  Jack did, the guy declined.  Meh. 

Anyway - I'm sitting here thinking about how I desperately NEED to come up with a budget for us.  We have gotten the extra money back from our escrow account that we had to pay because of the timing of how we bought the house and it not being homestead and the taxes were estimated... long story short, we got back a lot of money and now we will be able to pay off both of mine and Jack's credit cards which have been racked up far higher than I'd like... with buying an $1,100 log splitter among other things.  So grateful to pay those off... it's been about 6 months.  After I go to the bank today, our only debt is going to be the mortgage and that feels amazing. 

We thought that we might be ready to buy a new car... especially with Jack's Dad's discount, (or his brother's now, yay Daren for a direct position!) we would be paying far less than the average Joe off the street who buys a new car... and they are doing 0% financing for 60 months right now too which is great... But wow, I just CAN'T commit to a car payment yet.  I don't know why, I just am not ready.  Ideally, I would like to pay the mortgage off first...

Which takes me back to the budget.  If we pay nothing extra, our mortgage will be paid off in 2040.  If we add $50 a month to principal, we will pay it off in 2035... saving a little bit in interest... but if we pay $200 extra a month to principal, we will pay it off in 2027.  Getting better...  I'm just trying to figure out how fast we can pay this off and then possibly just pay cash for a new car instead of worrying about financing and car payments and all that jazz.

Lots of stuff to think about I suppose. 

Anyway... After the bank, I still need to go see the Chiropractor super bad.  I have been putting it off for a couple months, and that's NEVER good. 

I also wanted to make a trip to Joann's to see if I can find the things that are needed to make my own cloth diaper covers.  Speaking of being frugal... I would much rather make my own cloth diaper covers than buy some random ones made in China.   Plus, I can pick whatever fabrics I choose.

Today might be a busy day.  And it's nice and rainy and gloomy too! 

I guess it's time to get a move on...

And I'm excited to sit down and work on the budget ... Frugal Irons is our goal... FRUGAL frugal FRUGAL.  I'll just keep chanting it.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

15 Weeks!

How far along:  15 weeks today
How big is baby:  I have given up on the fruit... Definitely don't think it's an accurate way to measure baby at all lol.  About 4" from crown to rump... So, about the palm of my hand crown to rump and longer from head to toe :)
Total weight gain:  + 1.5 lbs.  It's weird to finally gain weight but I think being able to eat has something to do with that.  I am barely eating still but my body is hanging on to every calorie it can. 
Maternity clothes:  I bought some awesome clothes from Kohls... I'd love some more jeans so I can have more than 1 comfortable pair and I bought some super comfy long sleeve and 3/4 length sleeve shirts that are ruched and look super cute.
Sleep:  Not sleeping very well.  I can't lay on my stomach without it being uncomfortable.  I can't lay on my back without feeling nauseous (I know, really weird.)  My most comfortable side is my left side.  But I flop back and forth... and I still pee probably 15 times a night so that interrupts my sleep.
Best moment of the week: Feeling good enough to take the mutts to the dog park.  And hearing Jack say he thinks I look awesome and that he loves it when I feel good and that we can go out in public and I look all pregnant and stuff. 
Food cravings:  I don't think I have any cravings... but it's definitely easier for me to make healthy food choices than it's ever been in my life for some weird reason.  Yesterday I ate: multigrain cheerios with organic skim milk, banana, grapes and then for late lunch/dinner I ate a Turkey Tom with avocado from Jimmy John's.  (oooh no, food police come and find me... I ate cold lunch meat!)
Food aversions:  Still not too interested at all in anything sweet.... even my odwalla fruit smoothie things are hard for me to drink because of how sweet they are, but since eating fruit makes my mouth itch, I have to settle for fruit this way.
Symptoms:  Throwing up at the beginning of the week then nausea and tiredness.  I'm also finding myself to be more emotional and with wayyyyy less of a tolerance for things that normally I could just look the other way.
Movement:  Nothing that I can feel yet.... I don't think.
Gender:  It's a surprise.
What I’m looking forward to:  Right now... Probably hoping that I feel good today so I can go out and buy a dress for my cousin's wedding which is in 5 days... and seeing my family where only my Gramma has seen me since I got pregnant! and my best friend's baby shower is tomorrow and that's super exciting.  I can't believe she is 35 weeks (yesterday)... My best friend's havin' a baby and I can't wait to hold him or her!!!!  I'm looking forward to going to the cider mill soon... More trips to the dog park now that it's not sweltering.  
What I miss:  Feeling normal for a solid 24 hours.
Next appt:  October 12th!  My sissy's birthday!! 

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Burned out!

As you're reading this, I want you to picture me like an old beat up car that has run out of gas and is sputtering and coasting to a halt. 

Yup that's me today.

I woke up relatively early this morning, and thought that I would prepare myself for my morning toilet hug by taking some of my Zofran.  Said toilet hugging never happened.  As Jack was leaving for work, I asked him to bring me a bowl of applesauce.  (Applesauce is my safe food of choice... it is the least uncomfortable coming back up.)  I finished my applesauce before Jack got to work.  I watched a little of the Duggar Family on TLC this morning and went downstairs and made myself a piece of toast.

Once I got my toast down, I began browsing vlogs on YouTube.  (By the way... It's my biggest pet peeve now when people call them V-Logs.  It's a vlog.  All one word.  Like Blog only Vlog.  Video Blog = vlog.  /rant)  I found this new person that I love.  Her name is Carla... who incidentally does say v-log instead of vlog... but I love her enough that I can overlook it.  If I knew her in real life, I'd totally be her friend.  Just sayin'. 

Then suddenly the unthinkable happened... The neighbor's internet went down.  (Yes, we still hot link off the neighbors... but now with their total permission... Thanks Dave and Judy!)  This makes me especially sad because I'm somewhat internet savvy... as in, I know how to reset my router.  But when the router is not in my house... I cannot reset it, and even though we have permission to use their internet and were invited to do so... I still feel weird hiking through the woods and knocking on their door and asking them to reset their router... that's just weird. 

So at 9:30, no internet to speak of no matter how many times I refresh, and nothing good on TV...  I made an executive decision.  It was time to take a shower. 

After shower, I got dressed... which is another thing that doesn't happen very often as of late... Usually I am so wiped out and exhausted by my shower that all the energy I can muster is to put on PJ's and hop back into bed.  I brushed my hair (I know!!) and decided to venture out of the house. 

My best friend's baby shower is on Sunday and I am making my version of Bakerella's Cowgirl Cookies.   I have the bell jars and I just needed the flour, sugar and m&m's.  I also needed cute baby animal fabric to go on top and some cute ribbons to tie on the instructions.  Off to Joann Fabrics I went.

Joann had it's normal incompetence at the cutting counter, but this is the norm.  I think it's a job requirement to work at the cutting counter at Joann.  1.) You must be slow as molasses.  2.) You cannot cut a straight line to save your life.  Done and done.  Also you must always appear to loathe each and every customer that walks up to be served.  I picked up a half a yard of the jungle babies cotton fabric and some cute green ribbon with polka dots on it. 

After Joann, I was feeling kinda spunky and had a check that needed to be deposited in my pocket... so I thought oh hey... what the heck.  I'll stop by the bank.  I deposited my check and took care of some super secret banking (I promise to reveal later on) and went paperless on my account summaries... (go green - HA... it's just annoying to get so many papers and our burn pile is over the top right now.) 

Then this is where I started to make big mistakes...
I stopped at the grocery store.  I knew that I needed M&M's, flour and sugar and brown sugar for the cowgirl cookies... but I also knew that we needed groceries... like desperately... like Jack has been grocery shopping for 2 months and the most nutritious thing in the house is a half bag of Doritos, desperately.   I convinced myself that if I just pushed the cart very slowly and took my time that I would be fine. 

Well, like I said, Jack has been grocery shopping for 2 months.  And so that means that we are out of just about EVERYTHING.  All the staples, all the normal meal making stuff.   Jack's brain doesn't function at the grocery store like mine does.  While I was there I just kept seeing things and getting meal ideas and the whole recipe would pop into my head, so I would pick up all the ingredients.   Jack, on the other hand, has no idea what to put into the cart until he walks into the chip and cookie aisle and he puts whatever looks tasty in there.... What can I say... He's a man!

So ... Almost $200 later.... ($174 after my Kroger card and coupons)... I am loading up the stuff on the belt to be scanned and I start to panic.  I am OUT of energy at this point.  How on earth am I going to put all of these groceries in my truck??  Then as I am walking up to my truck I start to tear up and realize... putting these groceries in my truck is not going to be my biggest hurdle... I also have to carry them all into the house and put them away... and I bought a LOT of perishables that had to go right in the fridge.  I held back the tears as I loaded my truck and then sat in my truck and cried out of exhaustion.  What a stupid mistake I made going to the grocery store. 

I pulled myself together and drove home, cursing the red jeep that was following way too closely the entire drive.  Then one by one, I carried each bag inside.  After I got the bags inside, I slowly dumped each onto the counter and put away all of the things that needed to go into the fridge and freezer.  Then I got a second wind... and started making chili from scratch... dumping beans and tomatoes into my crock pot.  I cooked the meat and dumped that in the crock pot and then the onions. 

Now excuse me while I fall asleep and don't wake up until tomorrow.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

T - 2 Months... and T - 6 months!!

So our 4th wedding anniversary is in 2 months... we have been together 6 years this fall/winter.  And... in 6 months is my due date.  FUN day.

Today, I am 14 weeks pregnant exactly.  Fun fun times. 

I woke up today with a LOT of energy for some reason.  I helped Jack make breakfast... my first time cooking anything in over 2 months.  Then I even helped Jack clean up the kitchen and do the dishes afterward!! Whaaaaaat.  I still felt pretty nauseous this morning, but hey, I'll take each small step as I can get it.

After breakfast, I got all of my clothes in the washer (by got, I mean, I asked Jack to put them in.)  I had all these dreams this morning while eating breakfast because I found a gymboree coupon for 25% off my entire purchase... yes please!

I started looking around for patterns for my diaper bag that I am going to make.  I really like Petunia Pickle Bottom bags but mostly for their fabrics... and they are VERY Amy Butler esque which is my favorite fabric designer... so I think the best for me would be to make my own... since I am able... and pick out my favorite Amy Butler fabrics.

Anyway - 14 weeks update.

How far along:  14 weeks today.
How big is baby:  I guess a lemon... I feel like these fruits are totally ridiculous at this point.  3 1/2 inches from crown to rump!
Total weight gain:  +0.  Still at pre-pregnancy weight... but my tummy's getting bigger.
Maternity clothes:  I still want to buy more :)
Sleep:  I slept great last night, but I'm still getting up a lot to pee.
Best moment of the week:  Seeing a tiny peek of an ultrasound at my doctor's appointment and finally seeing MY doctor!!
Food cravings:  None
Food aversions:  I don't want to shy away from anything specifically, but nothing sounds good.
Symptoms:  Nausea, Vomiting, Constipation
Movement:  Nothing that I can feel yet.
Gender:  It's a surprise.
What I’m looking forward to:  This is my favorite time of year... it usually goes by REALLY fast.
What I miss:  Umm... Feeling good every day.  I took my good health for granted :P
Next appt:  October 12th!  My sissy's birthday!! 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

13 weeks 5 days Doctors Appointment

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and it was finally with MY doctor.  I was so excited to go, and so excited for Jack to go and meet my doctor. 

It was everything that I hoped it would be, my doctor was SO happy to see me and it was finally the doctor's appointment that I have wanted from the beginning!  My doctor obviously knew all of our history and that the chances of us getting pregnant were zilch... and he kept saying over and over, I was SO shocked!  And I'd say, No one was more shocked than us!!

He was just SO happy for us and THAT was what we have been missing.  It's nice to finally have my doctor who appreciates what we've been through.

As he was doing the doppler he asked if we were doing any genetic testing and I said no, but the only reason I would want to is that I would love another ultrasound.  He says, "hang on!"  And runs out of the room and gets his ultrasound machine. 

We had been to hell and back and it's LOVELY to finally have a doctor who knows what we've gone through and loves where we are today!!

Unfortunately through 99% of the ultrasound his body was in the way, but Jack got to see it.  He said, "there's the heart, do you see it?" I said, are you talking to me, because I can't see anything!  And he moved and I got a little peek at the baby's tiny body!! They have a super crummy machine, so the ultrasound was not clear at all... but I am so glad he did it anyway :)

Now I'm home and came home to find dog vomit everywhere... and the dogs were overdue on their shots anyhow... so it looks like we are heading to the vet this afternoon.  Busyyyy day for me. 

BUT - While I hope nothing is wrong with the mutts - I DO finally get to find out how much Dixie weighs lol.

I'm guessing.... 150+

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

First Baby Purchases! And new Maternity Clothes!

My mom and I went shopping today at Kohl's.  We went to get stuff for her and I ended up spending About 10 times what she did.  Haha oops!  I neeeeever spend money like that.

But - I do feel like I got a lot of stuff for how much money I spent!

I bought:
-5 work shirts for Jack
-A pair of Maternity jeans for me
-2 maternity shirts for me
-4 sleepers for baby
-1 tshirt for baby.
And spent $135.

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Dixie and Momma and Baby bump... and my new jeans that you can't see.  13 weeks 4 days pregnant.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Such a strange feeling

You know that feeling when you're sleeping and something unknown jolts you awake?  Or when you're relaxing and there's a loud noise and you jump? 

That is what the last 8 weeks of my life have been like.  Every day.

Especially at night when my thoughts go where ever they please.

I'll be laying there and relaxing, halfway asleep, and suddenly I jolt awake.  And I realize again, I'm pregnant! 

This is such a strange situation, and hard to describe and super weird for Jack and I to be in. 

Maybe it's because I had accepted and let go of my dreams of pregnancy... years ago.  I had fully moved on and given up. 

It's not like I even knew when the first day of my last period was when I took a test, because I had been paying that little attention.

It wasn't like we were on a strict, numbered day cycle where certain things and tests and procedures would happen on certain days and on day 28, there would be a beta draw.  Nothing even close to that.  There was no anticipation for this.  There was no waiting.  There was no expectation.

I feel like a broken record, but every day I wake up in shock.  What is this miracle that I am experiencing? 

I don't know if it's a gift or what it is, but every day feels like the first day that we found out.  Every day, I still feel that extreme well of emotions that I don't know how to express.

I am literally living out our dreams. 

In my sleep, I will have dreams about being pregnant and then I wake up and realize that it wasn't a sad hopeful dream... it's REAL. 

It's such a shock to me every time I walk past the nursery at the top of my stairs because all of those items that we bought to shower love on other people's children... we will soon be using on our own child. 

I know a lot of people have known about our struggle over the last nearly 4 years and I recently heard from someone who noticed on facebook that I was pregnant and sent me a message.  After a couple one or two sentence messages back and forth, she dropped the bomb on me.  "Did you get pregnant naturally?"  I had to re-read this... Is this pregnancy any less valid if I didn't get pregnant "naturally"? 

I am so used to being so ready to be an advocate for people with infertility that I don't know how to be pregnant after infertility.  Especially pregnant with a miracle baby.  Does anyone know how to do this?  I suppose Virgin Mary does... But since I can't have a conversation with her...

I think it might be nice to be able to talk to people who have experienced what I am experiencing.  When I read forums where women are pregnant after infertility, there is about 0.0001% of them who had miraculous pregnancies... the rest were a result of years of infertility treatments and tens of thousands of dollars.  I can't relate to that, I did spend over $10,000 on trying to get pregnant... but I didn't do IUI or IVF.  And I spent that money in 2008 and 2009.  It's 2011. 

I think it's great that I'm still so thrilled and shocked... but it makes it strange to just BE.  I don't know what to say most of the day... I spend my days (mostly because I'm sick, not because I'm just a bum lol) watching a baby story on TV or watching pregnancy announcement videos on youtube.  Hours and hours watching. 

Maybe too it's because I feel like Jack and I are the only ones who remember and really think about everything that it took to get us to the point where we are today.  Allison's pregnant.  That's a loaded sentence.  But not to everyone.  And it makes it feel so much less big when it feels like all of our struggles for almost 4 years just flew out the window when people hear those words.  I don't think it's necessary to constantly re-hash what happened, and that's not what I mean.  I just think that people forget things.  In with the good and out with all the bad.  Which on one hand is great... but if you don't remember the bad, you have NO clue HOW good it is. 

God is HUGE and this is what He did for us.  And this was His miracle.  I just feel like every day, He isn't glorified enough with our day to day.  I don't really know what we can do ... Jack goes to work, and does his thing.  And I'm at home doing my thing. 

I just hope that people remember every time they ask me to come hang out, and I say, I can't I'm throwing up... that this is God's miracle.  I am throwing up because I'm pregnant.  And it IS a big deal.  It's not just one of those things... or something EVERYBODY goes through.... I'm pregnant with a child that was a miracle to conceive.   The odds were beyond stacked against us.  Our one in a million baby is making me sick.

I don't think there was any flow at all to this post.  And well... whatever.  It's my blog.  And I'm just sharing my thoughts. 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

13 weeks update.

How far along:  13 weeks today!
How big is baby:  Size of a Peach!  About 2.9 inches long from crown to rump!
Total weight gain:  Down another 2 pounds.  I'm -1 from pre pregnancy. 
Maternity clothes:  I would love to get some maternity jeans that fit comfortably!  I bought a new shirt and some tank tops the other day that I am in love with.  I want to buy tons more tops. 
Sleep:  I think I woke up 6 times last night to pee.
Best moment of the week:  Getting my hair cut.
Food cravings:  None
Food aversions:  Just about every kind of food.
Symptoms:  Nausea, Vomiting, round ligament pain, super fast hair growth.
Movement:  Nothing that I can feel yet.
Gender:  It's a surprise.
What I’m looking forward to:  My next doctor's appointment and then my next ultrasound... and my belly growing. 
What I miss:  ...
Next appt:  September 15th. 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

This is still crazy!

I'm just wondering if these feelings will ever go away, or if I will be in shock for the rest of my life :)  I can't wrap my head around being 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant.  I can't believe I am 3 months pregnant.  I just can't believe this has happened. 

It is such a huge joy to me to be able to share with people who don't know yet about me being pregnant and to see their reaction.  Since we were very open for a long time about not being able to conceive and being heartbroken since our greatest dreams in life were to be parents, there are a lot of people who have rejoiced with us through this. 

Today Jack went to the Chiropractor and got to share the news with him and he was over the moon for us.  Jack has known the Chiropractor since he was in high school and we both adore him.  Dr Gage is definitely a family friend, and truly the funniest man I have ever met in my life.  It's such a huge blessing to me to hear Jack tell me as happy as he is about someone's awesome reaction to our news. 

I am still struggling with what I am calling Survivor's Guilt.  But I'm really concentrating on the happy parts of my life, I am VERY happy that we were given this miracle and while I still absolutely have a heart for those who are hurting, especially those hurting and struggling with infertility and trying to grow their families, I HAVE to live my life. 

I find myself not writing down things in here that I want to remember for myself because I don't want to hurt anyone reading them.  I find myself censoring myself in most of my conversations that I have with people who have or haven't struggled.  I find myself changing the subject from my pregnancy to other things because it still makes me very uncomfortable to talk about. 

Someone who is very dear to my heart that I grew up with and recently came back in contact with in the last year or so shared with me that she was pregnant.  I was so happy for her since I knew that her and her husband had started to try.  She also has a very special place in my heart for two more reasons... 1, her sister struggled with infertility and because of her intimate glance at her sister's struggles and how that affected her sister and the whole family, she really had a better understanding of infertility than most and she had such an awesome heart and attitude of caring.  And 2, not quite as importantly, but still makes her super awesome... she is my all time favorite hair stylist that I have ever met.  I have probably had 50+ people do my hair since I was in high school and discovered that people who go to school and are trained do a much better job than my sister and I can do with a box from the drug store.  She is a master at my hair and without much explanation at all, she just GETS exactly what I'm thinking and what I want and she does an awesome job. 

Sadly, my friend lost her baby right after I found out that I was pregnant.  There are no words really to describe how sad and heartbroken that I felt for her.  I found myself barely able to talk about my pregnancy at all or be happy at all, when I was feeling so sad for her.  I am still very sad for her and my sincerest hope is that they always let the legacy of their first child live on in their lives and in their heart and that they conceive their second in no time. 

I'm having a hard time with things like today, I need a hair cut.  I know my friend is hurting and I really don't want to go anywhere else because, like I said, she's number 1.  AND, I definitely don't want her to feel like I'm avoiding her, because I don't want to avoid her.  But, I don't want to hurt her.

The situation had a very simple solution and I emailed her and asked her directly and she responded almost immediately letting me know that she still wants to do my hair.  I'm so excited and hoping that I can be that person to her that she was to me for that time in my life.  Even though she didn't know anything personally about what it felt like to not be able to get pregnant, she was so supportive and loving.  And my hope and my prayer is that even though I do not specifically understand her loss, that I can be a support in her life too. 

So to my dear friend, thanks for giving me the chance to be a friend to you!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Good morning chatter

Good morning y'all.  Yep, I said y'all.

It's just a normal morning (sickness) around here!  The dogs are still being lazy, it's only 8:30 and I have been up for an hour or more just hugging my bowl and browsing around the internet.  I found this cute little vlog that I might do some time, basically it's an accent vlog (video blog) and you read a list of words and answer a list of questions so that people can hear what words you say and what they sound like.  I'm particularly excited about it because on the list of words is "Iron."  I've been laughing at all the southerners who say "Aah-rn"  because that's how my West Virginian/Tennessee in-laws pronounce it too.  (Irons is our last name.) 

It's going to be a hot day, close to 100 and 100% humidity.  NASTY!  I thought we were done with this, but this will probably be our last hot day of the year... which I am very thankful for.  Jack wants me to close all of the windows and turn on the air conditioner, but I don't want to get off my wallet lol.  Jack says that to me all the time, I guess I'm really cheap.  "Get off your wallet!!"  Which is kinda funny, considering the fact that I stay at home :)... Well whatever.  I call it FRUGAL.  We can make it through one more hot day without A/C!  Our neighbor on the South side doesn't even have air conditioning.  I just found this out a few weeks ago.  His house is the same age as ours, 12 years this year, and he just never took the time to put in an a/c.  I guess he just kept telling himself, if it gets really hot next summer, I'll do it.  And every summer he makes it through without it.  But, he does have a 1 story house where ours is 2, and it gets really hot upstairs.

This morning/afternoon, my sister-in-law and I are headed up to Hobby Lobby.  My best friend is having a baby in October and her mom is throwing a shower and I wanted to go up there to find some decorations or craft paper or something, I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, but Hobby Lobby is perfect.  And Kelly had never been (blasphemy!!) so I thought it would be fun to make a trek up there.  Hobby lobby is about 35ish minutes from my house.  And my house is about 35ish minutes from Kelly & Daren's apartment, so she's driving here and then I will drive up to Hobby Lobby!  I haven't been in a long time and I'm pretty excited.  Hopefully I have the energy to make it around the store! 

This evening, my sister flies in to town from New Jersey.  I am pretty excited, I think the last time I saw her was Easter? No way, has it really been that long?  It was some sort of holiday where all of my family was together at my aunt's house.  I have no idea.   Anyway, with my sister in town it's sure to be a family centric weekend.  My dad picks her up tonight and she's staying there tonight.  Then my mom picks her up in the morning and heads out my way to see me.  Then she's going back with my mom to go see her friend who lives in the same condo complex as my mom (my mom is renting my sister's condo).  Then on Sunday morning she and said friend are coming out my way to go out to brunch at the Historic Holly Hotel with another friend.  (Don't be a creeper and come find us... but if you haven't been there, their brunch is fabulous :) ) Then from there, she is heading back with her friend to my mom's condo to hang out there.  Then on Monday she's heading back to my Dad's where I'm sure Jack and I will eventually end up for some sort of a bbq.  Dear M/S, please cooperate with all of the aforementioned plans.

In other absolutely fabulous news, our escrow account on our mortgage FINALLY got straightened out.  We should be receiving a refund of nearly $3,700!!!! Thank you Chase for holding on to our money the last 16 months, how very kind of you to FINALLY return it to us!! Oh, and THANK YOU for finally lowering our payment back down!! When we signed our mortgage, it was supposed to be $750ish and that was supposed to include the mortgage payment, taxes and insurance.  Well the taxes were figured incorrectly because we missed the homestead date by FOUR DAYS, which sucked.  Then our Escrow account was over drew $1.  Yes, ONE DOLLAR.  So they re-evaluated and decided that they never wanted that to happen again... so we had to pay $1050 a month for the last 14 months!! We were S.O.L. to the extreme.  FINALLY, they are refunding that extra $400 each month that they made us pay into escrow and they lowered our payment back down to $715!!  NOW it feels like we wanted it to feel when we bought our house.  SHEESH.  Of course, our new payments don't start until November 1st, but the end is in sight!!  Only one more ridiculous payment of $1050. 

One more thing... I want to cut my hair.  I have super long hair... and I'm so incredibly sick of it.  I am almost considering taking the scissors to it myself.  (Just kidding Sami Jo lol... I would never leave a mess like that for you to clean up.... - Hair dresser shout out!!)  It takes me at least a half hour to brush through it when I am in the shower, with a wide tooth comb, with half a bottle of conditioner in it.  I don't even have curly hair!! Why is my hair turning against me?!  Jack cringes every time I make negative remarks about my hair.  I think he knows what's coming and he's not happy about it.  My man likes long hair.  I prefer it, but not at the expense of my sanity. 

So that's what's goin on. 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Doctor's Appointment yesterday! (Pg mentioned)

I thought that I had a UTI so I called the doctor and they got me in the same day.  I drank more than I ever thought possible yesterday and it looks like whatever it was, I may have flushed out on my own.

The other option that my doctor gave for my bladder pain was just that it's possible my uterus sits right on my bladder in an uncomfortable way and that's just the way my body is.  Just really something to get used to and not be alarmed about.  He listened to the baby's heartbeat on his Doppler and said everything looks great and we'll see you in two weeks!

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This is me at 11 weeks 4 days pregnant.  

I'm still feeling sick, but I think that I'm moving towards the end of that!  Or at least it is lessening a bit! 

I'm really excited about my doctors too because I have now met all four doctors in the practice.  I think I love my doctor the best, and then for second place, the other 3 are tied.  I really really like all 4 doctors and that's awesome.  

Everything is going so smoothly, aside from being sick, but it's really nothing I can't handle.  I spend the day hugging my barf bowl and watching tv and I'm getting through it just fine! 

How far along:  11 weeks 5 days
How big is baby:  Almost the size of a plum.  2 to 2 1/2 inches long.
Total weight gain:  Down 1 pound from a week and a half ago.  So only up 1lb.
Maternity clothes:  I bought a pair of maternity jeans from old navy but I'm not a real big fan.  I like to be able to wear long pants instead of capri's but I don't like the way the panel feels on my belly.
Sleep:  Waking up throughout the night to pee.
Best moment of the week:  I think it will be tomorrow when Jack gets home from work, we should be heading to the Chiropractor!
Food cravings:  None
Food aversions:  Nothing really.
Symptoms:  Nausea, Vomiting, but much less than before. 
Movement:  Nothing that I can feel yet.
Gender:  No idea... not finding out/sharing.
What I’m looking forward to:  Feeling movement!  Also my sister is coming this weekend!  I think this is the first time I'm seeing her since I found out I was pregnant!!
What I miss:  Being able to make plans.  I'm sick pretty often so I'm looking forward to being able to make plans more in advance than just that day.
Next appt:  September 15th.  I went to the dr yesterday too.