One I can specifically think of was of me at the grocery store and needing to go nurse, so I left my cart outside the bathroom with her car seat in the basket (which I would never do, I plan to baby wear, so there would be no car seat coming in to the store with me) and grabbed a blanket and walked down the little hallway to the bathroom. Before walking into the bathroom, I turned around one last time to check on the cart with the baby's car seat and diaper bag in it and noticed this fellow that I went to school with since Elementary school running off with it. So, naturally, I did what any mother of a 5 day old baby would do... I tossed that baby aside (literally - tossed, like a doll) and chased after the person with my cart. Then people all around (because suddenly, I was no longer in the quiet secluded hall by the bathroom, I was completely out in the open in front of dozens of customers) began to gasp in horror at what I had just done. In embarrassment, not even out of concern for my baby, I pick the baby back up and carry her with me as I am chasing after this fool who stole my cart with my belongings! I never got the cart back.
And for the years that we were trying to conceive, I would occasionally have dreams about babies, and all of those babies were boys. I would have dreams of what their names would be (Elijah - Eli for short, is the only name I can remember that really really stuck with me.) or holding them or being out in public with them, that sort of thing.
Last night, I had my first dream of what this baby would look like. He was a brand new baby. My BFF Ashley and I had gone to some sort of a gym... only it wasn't a normal gym, it was like a virtual gym... so essentially we were playing a big game of Wii. Ashley wanted to play this weird racket ball game and I had no idea what I was doing. Apparently, Ashley had left her infant at home (her baby was born over a month ago) and we dropped my baby off in the nursery. Well, we hit the showers, and I wanted to go get my baby so I could nurse him. Ashley went with me and we had to sit at the counter like a pharmacy and wait for the baby.
This place was run by people in scrubs and this woman comes up to tell me about my baby and how he did. And she was saying that he was the most loved baby in the nursery (naturally) and how one of the nurses finally got him to eat. At which time, Ashley and I caught each other's eye... he's breastfeeding... they would have zero reason to feed him in the nursery.... So in my dream I was worried that I hadn't made it very clear that I was exclusively breast feeding. And then she started handing me all of this merchandise that I "needed to buy" to comfort my baby, starting with the scrubs outfit that the nurse who fed him wore that smelled like the nurse who fed him. And then finally, this group of nurses walked forward all crowded around the one holding my son and handed him to the nurse who was running the window and she handed him to me.
Ashley and I slowly looked for a place to sit down in this now suddenly crowded lobby type area right outside where people were playing their wii games on big screens and I looked for something to cover myself with while breastfeeding. I just kept staring at this little man's face and for the first time, I could see what he looked like. Very much like a wrinkly old man. A la Benjamin Button. I kid you not. Ashley was getting annoyed that I wasn't walking and that I was just staring at my kid and I tried to explain to her that this was the first time I had seen him and I just wanted to look at him.
Even though he looked like a creepy, old man baby... I still loved the crap out of him. I also remember in my dream feeling like these creepy guys were super curious about what I was doing under my shirt when I was trying to breastfeed him. I'm pretty sure I had a dream about that because I was just sewing a nursing cover... but still.... weird. And I loved it anyway.
There's only 103 days until my due date. That seems so close!! About 5 weeks until my baby showers. I was just talking to my dad yesterday about how I feel like I'm having a hard time doing normal nesting because we set up the nursery completely in May before we ever found out that I was pregnant. It's been painted and prepared and organized for a baby, and I have nothing left to do. We have made all of the big purchases and we only have a few small purchases left, like a baby tub and a nursing pillow and little odds and ends like that that are on the registry... as well as a cloth diaper registry.
I think I might be coming down with a cold which makes me super sad, I really did not want to get another cold while I was pregnant but some things are really out of my control... and with my compromised immune system thanks to my growing boy... I guess it's more inevitable. Jack had a cold all last week and somehow just now I am getting it. I haven't even kissed my husband in almost a week and I'm feeling a bit run down last night and today.
Jack and I went to Joann Fabrics last night to pick up a couple things really quick and as we were walking down I just kept being so surprised by my belly that leads the way. I told Jack that I wasn't used to this idea yet and that I didn't think I would be getting used to it any time soon, and that I was pretty sure that by the time I got used to it, it would be already gone. How is it that at 25 weeks, I am still so unbelievably shocked and overwhelmed and grateful that we are experiencing this miracle? I hope that feeling never goes away and that I never forget how huge of a gift and a miracle this baby boy really is to us.