Sunday, December 30, 2012

First birthday party for Arie

Christmas was overwhelming for Arie because of all of the people in his face. He doesn't know any of his family well enough to know they're not strangers, so he was freaked out the whole time.

I had a really hard time expressing to people to give him a LOT of space. They really don't see him very often so they wanted to get as much out of the visit as possible, so to speak. It left me frustrated and annoyed and Arie completely overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and upset. I think people expect babies to be fussy or unhappy, but Arie is not those things in a normal situation and he wouldn't be if people respected what I said for them to do to make Arie most comfortable.

I'm so sick of getting blown off like I don't know my child better than them... Especially coming from someone who has seen him less than a dozen times in his whole 10 months. I know what he needs, and it's not some new made up ridiculous thing to listen to your child's cues. When someone gets right up in Arie's face, he will bury his head in me not to be cute or to mess around, but he is saying he's uncomfortable. Doing it over and over doesn't help him get more comfortable with people, either, it just makes him trust that person less.

I'm not some dumb first time mom that everyone needs to roll their eyes at, I know my kid and I have been with him 24 hours a day since the day that he was born. I know what makes him happy and I know what doesn't. Unlike everyone else who have spent 10 hours or less total with him. Hmmm, I think I know better.

Just writing all this stuff pisses me off again, but this in a nut shell is why Jack and I are really not wanting to have a birthday party. It would be way too much for him and way too much disrespect would happen and Jack and I would be left angry and dealing with a miserable child.

It's really frustrating to have so many people in our life like that.

Not everyone is like that at all, we have a handful of people who really enjoy Arie on his terms and never push him or rush him. What do you know, he enjoys those people the best.

It is hard when you feel like you have so much pressure on your shoulders to do certain things as well, like going to the extended family Christmas parties. They were each one to two hours away. It's like there's zero understanding for my morning sickness and when we say that Arie hates his car seat, people just roll their eyes like its an excuse, and not a very good one.

I thought I would write this and convince myself to throw the party, but instead I seem to have further convinced myself not to. :/

I don't think Arie will hold it against us, but what about everyone else? This has not been a fun facet of parenting.

Using Facebook to better friendships

If I am going to use Facebook, I want it to be only a tool to make my friendships closer and not stand in the way of my relationships.

I have to be vigilant about things that can over crowd my life and Facebook has done that so many times in the past!

Saturday, December 29, 2012

15 Weeks Pregnant w/#2

This week, Baby is the size of a: The average fetus at 15 weeks weighs 2.5 ounces and measures 4 inches -- and his proportions are becoming even more normal, since his legs now outmeasure his arms.

How far along? 14 weeks 6 days
Due date: 6.23.12
Maternity clothes? yep, mostly leggings and tunics... I just ordered some more maternity jeans.  My pants from last time are all too big.
Sleep: Ok.
Best moment this week: felt my first kick on the outside last night and sat there and knew without a doubt that what I was feeling was baby moving around in there.
Food cravings: Candy
Movement: see above!
Symptoms: all day nausea, throwing up, it seems to be getting better this week.  Don't want to jinx myself ;)
Labor Signs: No
Stretch Marks: yep, leftover stripes from Arie man
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? in
What I miss: not much
Feeling toward Pregnancy: looking forward to June.
What I am looking forward to: my first midwife appointment next week
Milestones: still nursing, and second trimester
News: not much to report... will meet one of the midwives for my first official midwife appointment next week.  I'm hoping Jack can go with me, but I don't think it makes sense for him to take the time off of work after all of this time he just had off.

Friday, December 28, 2012


Yesterday I wrote out this big post and when I went to add a picture, this app ate it.

I'm rocking Arie and trying to decide about leaving the house. I choked down breakfast and we were going to go out and run errands and pick up a handful of baby things. I don't like the idea of taking Arie out at all... What if we got a flat or something? I don't know, I'm probably being overly cautious.

I tricked Arie this morning by hiding some carrots on his spoon with yogurt. He is not a fan of most foods being spoon fed.

I don't think I like this app, you can't save a post for later.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

14 weeks pregnant w/#2

This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his or her thumb!

Thanks to brain impulses, your baby's facial muscles are getting a workout as tiny features form one expression after another. The kidneys are producing urine, which your baby releases into the amniotic fluid around him or her (this continues until birth).

Your baby can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch your little one sucking a thumb.

In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he or she measures 3 1/2 inches – about the size of a lemon – and weighs 1 1/2 ounces. The body's growing faster than the head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, your baby's arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his or her body. (The legs still have some lengthening to do.) And your baby's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy layer of hair, called lanugo, that covers the body.

Your baby's liver starts making bile this week – a sign that it's doing its job right – and the spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel tiny punches and kicks yet, your little one's hands and feet (which now measure about half an inch long) are more flexible and active.

This week, Baby is the size of a: no idea, 3 1/2-4" crown to rump?

How far along? 14 weeks
Due date: 6.23.12
Maternity clothes? yep, mostly leggings and tunics.
Sleep: Ok.
Best moment this week: sissy came to to town for Christmas
Food cravings: nothing really
Movement: I don't know
Symptoms: all day nausea, throwing up
Labor Signs: No... I did have a dream last night that my water broke.
Stretch Marks: yep, leftover stripes from Arie man
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? in
What I miss: feeling normal & energy
Feeling toward Pregnancy: looking forward to June.
What I am looking forward to: my first midwife appointment next month...
Milestones: second trimester
News: not much

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Laying awake

It's 5:20am, baby's sleeping, Jack is snoring and I'm tempted to smother him! He's going to wake the baby with his snoring and I've smacked him 3 times already!!

I wish I could get up and shower but I know Arie would wake up. I have no reason to be awake right now but I guess I'm just no longer tired.

Yesterday, my mom came over and Jack came home from work early and we cleaned. And I moved my hutch out of my kitchen and into the library, and once I moved the hutch, I realized I couldn't stand that green wall any more!

I only had time for one coat yesterday and I plan to get another coat on the wall this morning.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

End of the world?

I have seen 3 or 4 "end of the world" days that I can remember.

The Bible says that NO MAN knows the day or hour.

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only. Matthew 24:36

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the Mayans and anyone who believes in this 12-21-12 end of the Mayan calendar = end of the world are included in the "no man."

Should Jesus come back to get His people tomorrow, at least I know where my family is going. We are anxiously awaiting His return and we know that we are absolutely living in the End Times.

One day we will disappear from this Earth and for those left behind, they have until their death or until the end of the tribulation to accept Christ. I hope that people who know Jack and I will not fall for what they will be told about where we went. No cosmic event or radiation thing or alien abduction will take us. Jesus will come for us, and should we suddenly disappear with millions, know that we have gone home.

Thinking about The End of the World is different for me. I'm not afraid of zombies or some crazy situation. I'm excited for the rapture!

Weeeeee!! Jesus we are ready when you are!

Can't sleep

I don't know why this keeps happening, but I find myself awake in the middle of the night for no reason. My babes are both peacefully sleeping next to me.

My mind wanders in every direction imaginable. I randomly thought of Matt Logelin and wondered if he ever remarried. His baby turned 4 in March.

I had a dream tonight that Ashley and I both had boys again. Her baby was 8 lbs something and mine was 7lbs 3oz. I was so excited about our new babies!

I think about how sore my nipples are from breastfeeding during pregnancy and I worry about what it will be like with a newborn again.

Then I worry about fighting off interventions during labor. And I wish we could afford a home birth. Then I wonder how we will afford a doula.

I have no idea how to shut my brain off so I can go to sleep.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Cloth Diapering Two Babies

Yesterday, I spent 10 hours stripping my microfiber inserts. Each of my over 30 inserts was boiled for at least 30 minutes (with vinegar) and then I washed them like normal with RockinGreen soap in the washing machine with an extra rinse and then I did a cycle with Dawn soap. It would have taken me days to rinse out the suds from my inserts by running the washing machine over and over so I did 4 or 5 extra rinses with all of the pockets and took all of the inserts out to rinse in the sink by hand. Each took 4-6 full soaks and wring outs to be fully rinsed of suds and then I threw it all in the dryer. My inserts came out so fluffy!!

Anyway, the point of this post is that while occasionally in cloth diapering, there are days that require a lot of work, but in the very grand scheme of things, cloth diapering is super super easy. Plus, now we are diapering for free which you really can't beat and number 2 will be totally free to diaper.

Since I stripped my whole pockets stash yesterday, we were using only tri-folded prefolds and flats with covers all day. I was able to evaluate my stash and I think I will be able to get away with not buying any more diapers. I plan to wait to reevaluate after #2 is in the one size diapers. I have 3 dozen prefolds as well as over a dozen all-in-one diapers and I think 6 flats that will all work for infant diapering. Depending on how big #2 is at birth, we will be set for 1-3+ months before we switch to both babies in one size diapers.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Deleting FB

I try and try but no matter how hard I try, I can't delete the stupid out of my life. In this Information Age, it seems that it's perfectly normal to be intimately aware of every person's thoughts, emotions, and beliefs.

I can't decide how or if I'm going to share my blog, how much information do people really need to know about me? My documenting my thoughts is for me and not for others... I guess I've gotten to a point where I wonder why do people want to read it?

I don't want to know how my old neighbor feels about what's going on in the world, I don't care what anyone got for Christmas, I don't care to know about these things about people. The people I have time to think about, I talk to and keep in touch with.

I've been saying this forever, but Facebook takes away from real relationships. There is no reason to get coffee and catch up with friends because you've already seen their trip pictures, you know they just remodeled their living room, and you've seen the sonograms. There's just nothing left to talk about!

I still have no idea what I will do with my new blog. I have to have an outlet for my thoughts and I definitely appreciate feeling like my thoughts are much more my own instead of being printed on a billboard, which is how I felt with 1000s of views each month. Last month, I had almost 8,000 views.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Anonymity is freeing

I feel like I can finally start posting about some of the super controversial things that I have opinions on and our experiences with without worrying about mass hysteria and backlash.

My blog got hundreds of hits a day from and if any site could cause some serious backlash, it's that one. A bunch of crazy women with mob mentality on a message board... I would probably get stalked if I ever even hinted at my beliefs over there.

I abandoned my old URL and I will not be sharing the link to my blog under my new user name over there. I plan to change all of my settings around as well.

Anything from our choices to homeschool to politics to vaccines, circumcision, Santa and more! I have so many things that I've wanted to write down but never wanted to deal with the Internet backlash. I really don't care what the people who troll the Internet think about our decisions and beliefs, and this blog is now 100% for Jack and I to reflect on.

Changing things up

I'm ready for a spotlight break.

My blog is up to just under 100,000 views and its not been around that long.

I have no idea who reads my thoughts, and I know there's really no way to know... But I'm ready to be out of such a spotlight. I've changed my blog URL so any previous links will no longer work. I changed the settings to not allow search engines to find my blog, so hopefully that gives me some time to figure out what I want to do.

Jack and I started this blog with the intention of sharing our adoption after infertility story. God had other plans and it changed into our surviving infertility story. And then it changed to our foster parenting after infertility story. And then again to adopting along with foster parenting. And finally, our miracle pregnancy and now, miracle pregnancy number two.

A couple weeks ago, I called our agency and closed our home for Foster Parenting. My heart is still with children in foster care, but God has other plans for our family.

Project Open Hearts has run its course and I have been touched by the hundreds of comments and emails that I have received over the years from sharing our testimony and experiences.

I'm not really interested in having such a high traffic blog any more and I would like to simplify and change things. I don't need 1000s of people each month reading about my latest pregnancy symptom.

So, I don't know how successful this will be, but I'm taking a step into anonymity. Wish me luck!

13 Weeks Pregnant w/#2

This week, Baby is the size of a: peach!

How far along? 12 weeks 5 days
Due date: 6.23.12
Maternity clothes? yep, mostly leggings and tunics.
Sleep: Arie has been sleeping better.
Best moment this week: tomorrow's Friday! Week is almost over!
Food cravings: in the little moments that I feel okay, I made a list of everything that sounded good... It was at least 20 items long and not one thing on it was healthy lol... Oh well, not that I'm able to eat all of that anyway. I'm still 5 lbs down from prepregnancy.
Movement: I'm not totally convinced yet. I suppose I could feel a 3" creature moving now, but I'm not sure. I think I feel stuff.
Symptoms: all day nausea, throwing up
Labor Signs: No
Stretch Marks: yep, leftover stripes from Arie man
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? in
What I miss: feeling normal & energy
Feeling toward Pregnancy: looking forward to June.
What I am looking forward to: my first midwife appointment next month...
Milestones: still tandem nursing, almost in second trimester
News: Found out I'm low on vitamin D. Looks like all the routine tests aren't totally worthless. I have to take 5x the daily required amount for 8 weeks and then get retested! I am willing to bet I need more calcium too because of the 6+ months that I went without dairy! Does that mean a daily milkshake is in order? ;)

Monday, December 10, 2012

Natural Birth Plans

Since I've done it before, I have no problem being very decisive about my plans for labor and delivery this time around.  I have done the research, I don't need to convince myself or anyone else for that matter.

Last time I had said that I absolutely wanted a home birth if I ever got pregnant again after my horrifying experience with an aggressive anti-NB OB.  I interviewed midwives and found one that I adored and who has 30 years of experience.  All signs were pointing to woooohoooo lets get it going... and then Jack and I started crunching the numbers.

In the event of an emergency, we would have paid for the home birth as well as our out of pocket maximum with our insurance getting up around $5,000.  But, if we only pay for our out of pocket maximum, it's between $1500 and $2000.  It felt like a huge gamble that we weren't willing to make, especially once I discovered that there is a local birth center attached to one of the hospitals in our area that accepts our insurance.  (Home birth is not covered by our insurance.)

A birth center was a distant second choice to a home birth, (and WAYYYYYYY better than a hospital birth) but it will offer a LOT of the same conveniences of a home birth.  I will be under the care of a midwife, there are no drugs to augment labor, there is no IV, freedom to eat and drink in labor, freedom to move and labor however I'm most comfortable. In the event of an emergency, since it is connected to the hospital, a transfer would be quicker than if I were needing to head into the hospital at home. One of the things I am most excited about with the birth center is that if we choose, Arie can be with us while I'm in labor and delivering.  And, the stay is between 6 hours and 24 hours maximum... not the almost 3 days that I was stuck in the hospital.

I'm excited and ready for this... I know I'm only 12 weeks but giving birth to another baby so soon is definitely something that while I KNOW my body can do it and I'm not scared of it, I'm emotionally scarred from last time and I need to really meditate on how this experience will be different.  I'm a completely different person and I will never hesitate to fire a care provider again.  And, I have learned the magic words, "I DO NOT CONSENT."

I'm pretty disgusted with the anti-NB things I've seen around the web, so hopefully if you stumble upon this and you are planning a natural birth, I hope you will learn that you have choices and that you can make every effort to educate yourself and barring an emergency or unforeseen complication, you CAN do it!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

12 Weeks Pregnant w/#2

This week, Baby is the size of a: plum
How far along? 12 weeks
Due date: 6.23.12
Maternity clothes? yep, mostly leggings and tunics.
Sleep: I don't think I will be sleeping much ever again.  Arie hates sleep.
Best moment this week: Met one of the OBs at the OB/MW practice and had my first "official" appointment.  Dr found the heartbeat right away, and he was super supportive and encouraging of a no intervention birth plan whether in the birth center or hospital.  He also was very encouraging that qualifying for the birth center wasn't as cut and dry as I thought and that there was a lot of leeway.
Food cravings: nothing
Movement: I'm starting to feel some pops and bumps, teeny tiny little movements. It's totally true that second time around you feel it sooner!
Symptoms: all day nausea, throwing up
Labor Signs: No
Stretch Marks: yep, leftover stripes from Arie man
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? in
What I miss: feeling normal, energy and regular BMs lol
Feeling toward Pregnancy: looking forward to June.
What I am looking forward to: my first midwife appointment next month
Milestones: still tandem nursing, almost in second trimester
News: Not much to report... just chugging along.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

9 months old

Arie will be 9 months old tomorrow... Which means in 3 months, he will be a year... And in 3 more months, #2 will be here.

Arie is a crawling machine and he's starting to pull up on things. While I find this stage super fun (and exhausting!) I am not liking that sitting up and standing up also comes with falling down and lots of bumps and boo-boos.

He says Mama and Dada but not much else. We don't call him by name often enough for him to know his name yet, so we should probably make an effort to start doing that.

We are still doing baby led weaning and 99% of his nutrition is from being exclusively breastfed.

He comfort nurses more now than ever, I think because he will crawl away and explore and then want to feel close to me again.

Being exhausted and feeling poorly makes it so the house is no where close to my standard of cleaning, which means Arie is becoming very familiar with dog hair. Barf!

He is happy and content just about all the time.

He usually goes to sleep for the night between 7-8pm and wakes up around 8am. He nurses 6-10+ times throughout the night, I am constantly rolling over to switch sides for him to nurse.

Most nights, at least once, we have to get up out of bed to rock him back to sleep. Since I've been feeling sick, that's mainly Jack's job.

We are still cloth diapering, and as we are gearing up to have two in diapers, I am thinking I really want to switch to natural fibers as inserts instead of the microfiber. After about 7 months of use (when we switched to the one size diapers) the microfiber inserts have definitely seen better days.

He bites while he's nursing if he's done or if he's just messing around. I cry and usually that makes him cry. That's a fun stage.

He loves the animals and treats each one differently. He pets the cat nicely and usually pets Bessie nicely, but grabs onto Dixie. Depending on the day, he has his favorite animals. It rotates between them.

He loves bath time and has graduated to sitting in the bath tub by himself, he's too strong and wiggly for the baby bath tub. He loves bath toys.

He has such a sweet personality. If I'm holding him, he will charm anyone in sight. He bats his eyes and smiles in the sweetest way. Everywhere we go, people stop to talk to him and gawk. He loves the attention and I'm a proud mama.

Arie still mostly hates his car seat. I think he doesn't like to be confined or alone. He's better when I'm driving than when I'm sitting in the back seat with him, I think because if he sees me, he doesn't understand why he can't be in my arms or on my lap.

He has his favorite books, (Seven Silly Monkeys) and I think it's the voices that I use when I read them.

Arie no longer sits still in his bouncy (but not bouncy) type chair while I shower. He sits himself up and tries to tip himself out. I'm going to have to figure out a new way to shower without involving him crying the whole time.

He also seems to be very sensitive to when I don't feel well. If I'm throwing up in a bowl, he wants to be right next to me. If Jack is home and is holding him while I am sick, he has a very concerned look on his face until I take him back.

He still loves to be worn anywhere and everywhere. Much prefers that to being carried which is great. He still likes to be on my front in my ergo, mei tai,or ring sling. I haven't used my Moby or ktan in months. He doesn't mind being worn on my back, but I find that front carry wards off random people from touching him better than back carry.

He's just an awesome kid.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Randomness while rocking

I'm rocking Arie for his nap right now. We have been up for two hours and now he's ready for a cat nap.

I have been feeling okay the last few days and hadn't been throwing up. I woke up this morning and went to change Arie's diaper and didn't grab my barf bowl since I didn't think I would need it. I drank a big glass of water and Arie and I headed downstairs to play with toys and suddenly I couldn't get my bowl fast enough.

I made it downstairs and set him down next to me and spent the next 10 minutes retching. So instead of just bile, it was watered down bile. Weeeee.

Anyone else hate throwing up? It feels like drowning to me. Can't catch my breath, can't take a breath.

So much for thinking it's going away.

I'm pretty much in shock that its December. In 2 days, Arie will be 9 months old. 3 months from then, he will be a year old. And, 3 months after that, we will be having number 2.

I don't feel or even look pregnant at all. Well, I guess I FEEL pregnant when I'm throwing up in the morning...

I switched to wearing some of my new maternity clothes and I've discovered that although I bought them 1 & 2 sizes smaller than last time, these clothes are too big.

My mind and brain have not caught up to the fact that I've lost over 80lbs and on a 63" frame how astronomical that number really is.

It's weird to try to plan maternity clothes that are nursing friendly. I used to be able to nurse much more discreetly, but my options are quickly diminishing and hiking my shirt up over my belly is less appealing every day and just pulling my boob out is so much easier. It's funny how things change, a hungry baby overrules any weird feelings or social awkwardness.

I went to a moms group the other day and I came home and told Jack how out of the Breastfeeding moms, 2 pumped and fed with a bottle while we were there and one went off to the side with a cover, while I just fed him right on the couch in the middle of it all. Every one of the girls nursed for some period of time, plus, they all have boobs. It's time to get rid of the stigma! Plus, let's see me just TRY to be discreet in 6 months when I have a newborn AND a 15 month old nursing on demand.

I definitely still feel some judgment about Breastfeeding some places that I go and around some certain people, but it's usually from women who don't have children yet. I refuse to say "just you wait" out loud, but I have definitely thought it.

On the other hand, one of my biggest cheerleaders is a friend who doesn't have children yet but is very health conscious and sees a naturopath and thinks Breastfeeding is fantastic.

I don't really have a choice to not feed my child, so when it makes people uncomfortable I hope they understand that what I'm doing has nothing to do with them, I'm not nursing my kid in public to make a statement of some kind, I'm feeding him when and where he got hungry.

In other randomness, I have been attempting to try to get Arie to sleep at least one stretch in his crib at night. His crib is in our room still, but with how much he's crawling and moving and trying pull himself up, it's safer for him to have all four sides on it and not side-carred.

Last night was a fail. After an hour, I tried to set him down but he woke up as I lifted him over the rail. Just need to keep trying!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

11 Weeks Pregnant w/#2

This week, Baby is the size of a: lime
How far along? 11 weeks
Due date: 6.23.12
Maternity clothes? Yes, it looks like I need to order some more clothes in a smaller size too. Size M is a bit baggy.
Sleep: I don't think I will be sleeping much ever again
Best moment this week: found hb on Doppler & got a bunch of clothes
Food cravings: nothing
Movement: Nothing
Symptoms: all day nausea, occasional throwing up.
Labor Signs: no, thank the Lord
Stretch Marks: yep, leftover stripes from Arie man
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? in
What I miss: not a thing
Feeling toward Pregnancy: I can't really put it into words. I don't want to talk about it and I'm kinda in denial.
What I am looking forward to: end of first trimester!
Milestones: still tandem nursing, almost in second trimester
News: I've lost 8lbs since I got pregnant.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

10 Weeks Pregnant w/#2

This week, Baby is the size of a: prune I think
How far along? 10 weeks
Due date: 6.23.12
Maternity clothes? Not yet. I took advantage of Black Friday sales & bought a small wardrobe. I'll probably switch over to that once it comes in the mail. I bought tunics and leggings and sweaters. Hopefully, I will be very comfortable.
Sleep: lack of sleep has more to do with having an 8 month old than pregnancy.
Best moment this week: not throwing up on Thanksgiving.
Food cravings: nothing
Movement: Nothing
Symptoms: all day nausea, occasional throwing up.
Labor Signs: no, thank the Lord
Stretch Marks: yep, leftover stripes from Arie man
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? in
What I miss: not a thing
Feeling toward Pregnancy: I think this baby will come on June 5, exactly 15 months apart.
What I am looking forward to: end of first trimester!
Milestones: still tandem nursing and double digit weeks
News: decided to go with a birth center birth because of the cost of a home birth. :/ I'm kinda disappointed, but saving money is more important at this point.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Hyperemesis Gravardium Round 2?

On Monday morning, I woke up at 4am and took a few sips of water after not being able to hold anything down the previous day.  I threw up the couple sips of water and noticed that even though we went to sleep at midnight, Arie was waking hourly to nurse and seemed like he wasn't satisfied and really wasn't sleeping well. I started to really really get concerned about dehydration.

I called my OB and she said that I could probably ride it out at home but that I would feel MUCH better MUCH faster if I came in for some IV fluids, so we packed up the babe and got to the hospital at about 7am.  We were on our way home by 11-11:30 and I had an ultrasound and got to see that we have one babe in there, strong heartbeat in the 160's!

I feel a lot better, I feel like I'm ahead of my fluids still 2 days later!

I hope that I don't need to go get IV fluids again though.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Sick sick sick

Pregnancy is really not nice to me.

My days lately have been surviving until Jack gets home to help.

I'm getting worried about my supply and my health because nursing and being sick around the clock is physically taking everything I've got.

I'll be 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow.

If you are reading this and you pray, please pray with me that my symptoms go away at the end of the first trimester.

Yesterday started really well, I felt pretty good all day and then from 4-8:15pm I spent in the bathroom with either an ibs attack or food poisoning but Jack never got sick so I'm guessing ibs.

I woke up today still feeling sick, thank God it's Saturday and Jack is here to help.

I guess this is just documenting the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think I'm in an ugly phase :P nausea and throwing up is just not pretty no matter how you spin it.

I was given some great advice to eat a lot more protein and up my vitamin b6. I haven't even been able to take my prenatal vitamins in days and my b6 had expired since my last pregnancy so I need to get more & I feel way too sick to shop or prepare food.

I'm hoping that I don't end up in the ER needing fluids to rehydrate!

Bahhhh. Pregnancy is so fun.

In other news, Arie is pretty much crawling now and finds playing on the floor super fun. He can play alone for an hour going from one toy to the next all over the room.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

First day sick by myself

Jack had the last three days off work and in the last week or so is when I really started needing more help with Arie, holding him or rocking him when I felt nauseous, or hold him while I throw up.

Jack went back to work, even though his vacation probably felt nothing like a vacation with how much help I needed 24 hours a day.

This morning I rocked Arie and tried to set him down so I could run in the bathroom. I set him down as gently as I could but as soon as I let go, he started rooting for me with his eyes closed. Then he woke all the way up and was crying because I wasn't there. I threw up with a background noise of baby cry. :(

It only took about 10 minutes of rocking to get him back to sleep after that.

::sigh:: I need my husby.

I can do this. I can do this.

Nursing while pregnant

I have been very blessed to have had minimal issues with nursing Arie. I am sure that was 90% (or more) preparation with knowledge and being blessed with a babe who loves to nurse. I never had anything to complain about and nursing was always a positive experience, no matter what time, day or night.

Being pregnant and nursing, however, is a different story.

My nipples are sore like they were when Arie was a brand new babe and the nausea makes me want my own space.

It appears as though my aversion to being crowded is met by Arie's extreme desire to be even closer to me than normal. He nurses about 5x more often than he did before, or maybe it just feels like it because I'm so uncomfortable.

It's frustrating to be exhausted beyond words from my pregnancy and have a nursling who requires hours of rocking each day. Thankfully, the new rocking recliner we bought makes a big difference because it's so comfortable.

I don't mean to complain one bit, because I'm thankful for blessing #2 to be on their way, but pregnancy is not kind to me and pregnancy symptoms are exaggerated about 100 fold when you have an 8 month old who doesn't understand why you're hugging the toilet for a half hour or tries to grab and tip out your barf bowl.

In the last month, Arie has also been really fluctuating in weight and I have started to get concerned. Then I talked to my best friend who said her baby fluctuated greatly between 9-12 months when he became mobile. Arie is doing his version of crawling and is burning a lot more calories than normal so his slow weight gain and weight fluctuations are very normal. I think being pregnant intensifies my anxiety because it is difficult to remain totally rational about things and not panic. In the last month, Arie gained only 3 oz... But, his head circumference grew .25" and he grew almost an inch in length. He's definitely growing and if I wasn't carefully monitoring his weight, I would never guess he wasn't even 16 pounds yet.

I'm hoping my nausea and vomiting go away after the first trimester but I have a sneaky suspicion that it won't. I'm hoping that I can get a handle on my anxiety and emotions at least, because dreading nursing is a terrible feeling. My irrational brain freaks out and I get physically uncomfortable while he's nursing in his sleep. It's no different than he's always done and now I find myself frequently breaking his latch because of my anxiety and discomfort and then he wakes and frantically roots and latches right back on. At this point, nursing is pure mind over matter and requires full dedication on my part.

Thankfully, I'm a stubborn and persistent person. Since I still believe that breast milk is my highest priority for Arie, I am giving myself a constant "suck it up." Pep talk and reminding myself that pregnancies are very short and the long term payout of tandem nursing is something that I do NOT want to miss out on.

Plus, he's only 8 months old. 4 more months and then the possibility of having to supplement is out of the picture. Fortunately, if I do lose my supply, I have been in contact with some great midwives who have offered to help find me donor breast milk.

I think I'll attempt to get in bed once more... This little man has been fighting sleep for an hour. >.< pregnancy is very short, pregnancy doesn't last forever, this phase is a blink of the eye, this pregnancy will go by so fast, especially with an infant time just goes by so fast, gotta remember to relax and just enjoy every minute because it's gone before I know it!!

I'm having to make a conscious effort to say prayers of thanksgiving daily for this situation and experience and I think the more I am consciously thanking God for it, the easier it will be to remember in my (way too frequent) moments of frustration how awesome this is to be able to experience this.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

8 Weeks Pregnant with #2

This week, Baby is the size of a: raspberry maybe?
How far along? 8 weeks 2 days
Due date: 6.16.12
Maternity clothes? Not yet... But soon. I have lost a couple pounds but the bloat has made my pants no longer fit. :(
Sleep: doing okay the last few nights... Arie had a cold this week which meant a lot of sitting upright in the recliner so that he could breathe and sleep, which unfortunately means that I got no sleep.
Best moment this week: Jack stepping up and taking over night rocking now that I'm feeling sick.
Food cravings: nothing
Movement: I'm feeling little bubbles but its probably phantom and memory kicks.
Symptoms: all day nausea, occasional throwing up.
Labor Signs: no, thank the Lord
Stretch Marks yep, leftover stripes from Arie man
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? in
What I miss: not a thing
Feeling toward Pregnancy: Really exhausted and its going to go by in warp speed!
What I am looking forward to: end of first trimester!
Milestones: still tandem nursing.
News: met with another home birth midwife last night and loved her! I will be seeing an OB along side only for a situation where I would need a transfer, that there would be someone available, not because a midwife isn't significant care. I plan to skip most of my OB appointments, so we will see. I also do not plan to tell him that I'm planning a home birth because they may drop me as a patient. My first OB appointment is next week.

Facebook Break

I take Facebook breaks every now and then.

I have a really hard time with Facebook during very controversial situations. The manner by which a lot of people tend to conduct themselves makes me feel differently about them as people. I always think that if this person said that out loud, in person, we would not be friends.

I have a lot of people that I like and value and consider to be my friends, but at times like this, I end up reconsidering what kind of person would say such a thing.

This is not directed at anyone, and more specifically, it's not directed at just those people whose beliefs conflict with mine.

There are people who have similar beliefs and write things that disgust me.

Four years ago, I shared some political beliefs in my own status and ended up really offending a family member and that situation has stuck with me.

I see posts with little to no fact behind them, and mostly I see posts with NO CLASS.

In order to not expose myself to Facebook election drama, I am happy to step away. I'm not interested in seeing the behaviors that will follow this election, regardless of the outcome. The nasty gloating and mud slinging will continue on and on.

When things are posted about how Christians are close minded, horrible people, and that somehow their beliefs automatically mean they are judging... I can't help but take that personally and completely think differently of the person posting it.

Having a moral compass different than someone else does not in any way mean that you are automatically a judgmental person or that you are close minded or evil.

I'm not close minded because I don't believe in certain things. I understand why others believe the way they do, what they believe to be fact I do not believe to be fact, and what they believe to be false, I believe differently. That does not make me close minded.

Anyway, I gave about a 3 minute warning on deleting my fb. I'm not really worried about it. I'll probably be back. It's a nice place to keep and organize my pictures of Arie.

I just find myself distancing more and more from it though because while I like other people, I'm not really interested in taking in a constant stream of beliefs from other people. I have my own well founded and deeply rooted beliefs that will not be changed by a post or two.

At a certain point when most of my fb friends are hidden from my newsfeed, I have to wonder what the point of Facebook is.

I guess that's my thoughts. I don't want to be that involved in 100s of people's politics right now.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Bad weather

I know that my bad weather from hurricane sandy is laughable, especially with my sister living in New Jersey.

However, because of this windy weather, there has been a change in my plans. Arie has been sleeping absolutely terribly at night waking all night long, sometimes twice an hour, just fussing. Not really wanting to eat and go back to sleep like normal, it just seems like he's uncomfortable and only getting out of bed and rocking fixes it.

Of course, I have no rocking chair until tomorrow which all sorts of sucks, but I was going to move the pack'n'play into our room to see if Arie would sleep better in there. Arie has never slept well in there which is why he doesn't sleep in it, but sleeps in our bed. I just did what works. But for some reason, maybe it's a growth spurt, maybe he has more teeth coming through, I have no idea, but he just is not sleeping in our bed.

This long winded explanation was to say that I was planning on putting him in the pnp tonight, but because of the very bad storms and the almost certainty that we will lose power, I don't want to make this be his first night in a different bed. Of course he knows no different and can't tell the weather is bad, so this is all me and my comfort.

Maybe tomorrow night.

7 Weeks Pregnant with #2

This week, Baby is the size of a: blueberry!
How far along? 7 weeks 1 day
Due date: 6.16.12
Maternity clothes? Not yet.
Sleep: it's funny... When I was pregnant With Arie, I was always up and thinking about him and what our life would be like. Now I'm up but not because I'm thinking about anything but because Arie is tossing and turning lol.
Best moment this week: hit 7 weeks!
Food cravings: pears. Arie and I shared one for breakfast this morning.
Movement: none yet
Symptoms: this past week I started feel nauseous. :(
Labor Signs: no, thank the Lord
Stretch Marks yep, leftover stripes from Arie man
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? in
What I miss: not a thing
Feeling toward Pregnancy: Really excited.
What I am looking forward to: end of first trimester!
Milestones: over three weeks of tandem nursing
News: still waiting to find the heartbeat on the Doppler. I found it between 7-8 weeks with Arie which is suuuuuper early on a Doppler.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Tandem Nursing / Breastfeeding While Pregnant

I'll be 7 weeks pregnant tomorrow and we have been slooooooooowly introducing solid foods for Arie. The difference in his ability to chew and swallow from 3-4 weeks ago is amazing.

It also appears that there has been no difference in my supply. Arie seems to have gone through a bit of a growth spurt and has gained almost half a pound in 2 1/2 weeks! That's more than he gained from 6mo to 7mo old. :)

I'm still nursing on demand and I nurse 12-16 times a day.

Everything seems to be going great!

Friday, October 26, 2012

My theory is busted

The last 24 hours I have felt queasy non stop.

My theory was that because I eat only unprocessed foods and almost all organic foods that that must be why I wasn't feeling so sick like last time.

I think it's busted. I haven't had any junk food whatsoever in I don't know how long. Any sweet that I eat is either fruit or something I have made completely from scratch and I do that maybe every other week.

I think your body just gets sick if its going to get sick.


Well I did it before and I can do it again. If this baby is born around the same time as Arie, I only have 30-31 more weeks to go!! That's just nuts.

I used to think that people who wished for morning sickness were out of their mind, but now I get a little part of that worry. With symptoms you have a constant reminder of your pregnancy.

With Arie, I can't remember the exact date, but I think it was between 7-9 weeks where I found his heartbeat with my Doppler. I tried tonight, but nothing yet.

It's 3am now, I think I should carry my now sleeping babe back to bed.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

First midwife appointment

Just an interview, not really an appointment. I already noticed a lot of differences in the care given in just one visit. The midwives were very interested in getting to know me as a person and as a mom and they base their care off of me specifically, not some one size fits all treatment and protocol.

I also never felt even remotely rushed.

I figured it out

I forgot to put Arie's amber necklace back on him!!! Gah!! Such a simple fix. He slept from 9pm-8am only barely rousing to nurse and go right back to sleep. That's back to normal!

It's shocking what a difference that necklace makes!

I am sitting here rocking and trying to decide if I'm going to get up while Arie is sleeping to shower or if I should let him get a good nap and go after. I almost always choose good nap haha.

We are out of eggs and a few other random things. I need to bake bread and some muffins. I'm thinking pumpkin.

It's already the 23rd of October and this Unprocessed October challenge has been absolutely no big deal at all. Obviously I can't eat out, but we are throwing away almost nothing since all the food gets used in the meal plans!

I'm also starting to feel a little bit queasy. I don't have any bread or muffin or anything to eat right now and I normally start my day with a carbohydrate and fruit. I just had some juice, so I'm thinking that might be the cause... But the other side of my brain is thinking oh man, is this when my morning sickness is going to start?!

Pregnancy + baby challenge

When I'm pregnant, I suddenly lose all my ability to regulate my body temperature. 95% of the time, I feel like its sweltering. Or, I'm uncomfortably chilled to the bone.

It has been a challenge to figure out how to stay a comfortable temperature at night. So many experiments with different blanket and sheet combos have left me realizing there is no perfect combo. Tonight the window is open and the ceiling fan is on.

And, not only am I a human heater now, I have my own personal baby-sized heater right next to me. I think he's been having a hard time sleeping because of the uncomfortable temperatures.

This post really has no point except that its giving me something to do while I rock Arie in this horrendous excuse of a chair. I wish there was a way to describe how broken down this chair is. How about I put it this way... It's probably not safe to rock for any extended period of time with the amount of wood that is rubbing together for fear of starting a fire. This chair is worn out junk.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Worst night's sleep

Last night was an up every 20 minutes kind of night. I have no idea what was wrong with him.

It has been the most uncomfortable night sleeping for me too lately. Since we turned the heat on, our bedroom has a swing from 68°-72°. At 68°, I'm freezing using both a flat flannel sheet and a quilt. At 72°, I wake up because I'm sweating and I'm super hot. Then it goes back down to 68° and I'm freezing because I was sweaty. It's a miserable thing. Arie sweats too so that only means he's probably going through the same thing. :(

No wonder neither of us sleep well.

And, I am ready to throw my glider out the window. It's so old that wood is rubbing against wood. It grinds and pops and bangs with every rock. There is no simple gliding.

I absolutely need another glider.

Like today.

Too bad they are about $500 and there's a whole list of things that need to be purchased first.

I am grouchy. I'm sick of it always being to cold or too hot in our bedroom. The last two winters, it was nothing like this.

Good thing we paid someone to "fix" our vents so we would have more consistent heat. >:(

Saturday, October 20, 2012

6 Weeks Pregnant with #2

This week, Baby is the size of a: sweet pea :)
How far along? 6 weeks... Tomorrow :)
Due date: 6.16.12
Maternity clothes? Not yet. I think I'm losing weight in my butt and its already going to my belly lol
Sleep: . Arie hasn't been sleeping well so that means I haven't either
Best moment this week: no morning sickness at all
Food cravings: English muffins! I totally made some from scratch. They are delicious!!

Movement: none yet
Symptoms: nothing!
Labor Signs: no, thank the Lord
Stretch Marks yep, leftover stripes from Arie man
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? in
What I miss: not a thing
Feeling toward Pregnancy: Really excited. 
What I am looking forward to: end of first trimester! 
Milestones: over two weeks of tandem nursing! 
News:  meeting my first midwife this week :)

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Day in the Life with a 7 month old & pregnant

7 months old & pg w/#2
I want to do this every now and then, just so that I can look back and see what life was like.

I probably forgot to write down 3 or 4 nursing sessions and maybe one or two diaper changes just because I just do these things and don't think about it. Because he's nursing on demand, if I'm folding clothes and he's on my lap, I can quickly latch him on, he might nurse for a minute and he's comforted and good to go again. It's hard to really measure it, since he doesn't nurse just to eat. Sometimes it's if he's tired or over stimulated or if he tried to crawl and face planted.

I also apologize in advance for any formatting issues, spelling or grammar errors. Think of this like chicken scratch and me jotting it down quickly as its happening.

October 16, 2012
9pm: change baby, rock & nurse baby to sleep,

9:20: carry baby upstairs and crawl into bed, taking too much shuffling to get blankets in the right spot, gotta rock baby again

9:30: get in bed, situate phone plugged in with white noise machine on and white noise app playing. Zzzzz

11pm: nurse baby

October 17, 2012
12:20am: nurse baby. Jack comes to bed.

2:50am: nurse baby

3:27am: baby's still flopping around, go in nursery and grab diaper, change baby. Rock and nurse back to sleep

3:47a: baby's back to sleep, curled right up against me. My Stomach is rumbling... Time to try to go back to sleep. Rather have a sleeping baby than a midnight snack.

5:30am nurse baby

6:50am: nurse baby. Baby's awake. Jack changes diaper before leaving for work. Nurse baby some more.

7:15am: baby's not going back to sleep, time to go have breakfast and go play with toys in living room.

8am : diaper change & sit down to nurse

8:30 am : still playing with toys. Baby & mama are still tired.

8:45am. Back upstairs to dark bedroom and white noise. Rock in glider for 15 minutes and we are both back in bed.

11:15am: wake up from glorious nap, nurse baby, get up and diaper change & mama shower.

11:40am: get dressed, hair, make up, diaper change for baby, get him dressed, start making a dent on cleaning his room, put away diaper laundry, put away laundry.

12:30pm: go get the mail, walk around outside with the dogs and baby in ergo, enjoy the beautiful weather

12:40pm: get lunch, leftover chicken noodle soup, baby plays on floor with toys

1pm: nurse baby.

1:15pm: time to change baby's diaper, and keep working on cleaning his room.

2:10pm: room is clean, change baby, head outside for a walk with the dogs out back, baby in Ergo.

2:14pm : change of plans. Rock & nurse in rocking chair in bedroom with windows open and white noise playing. Baby's grouchy. Time for baby nap.

2:22pm: baby's asleep. Keep rocking.

4pm: baby's still asleep. Keep rocking. Maybe this is how I lost the baby weight? Just hours of rocking!

4:30pm: baby awake! Nurse baby, Jack gets home, diaper change!

4:45-6 vacuum and clean kitchen, do dishes, put away laundry while Jack plays with Arie.

6pm: Jack vacuums stairs for me and I nurse Arie and then put Arie in the Ergo on my back to scrub the hard floors.

6:40pm: done with the floors, Jack is outside cutting leaves with the lawn mower. I'm messing around on Facebook and YouTube while sitting on the floor playing with Arie and his toys.

7:10pm : fussy baby, takes a break from playing to eat and right back to it. Jack is still cutting up leaves.

7:30-7:45pm : give baby a bath & put on lotion, clean ears, put on pjs and grab blanket and burp cloth to get ready for bed.

7:50pm: making a midnight snack/ breakfast for tomorrow. Baked oatmeal.

8:45pm change baby one more time,
Nurse & rock.
9:30pm: baby has nursed to sleep. Jack and I will hang out until I get tired and head up to bed probably between 10-10:15pm.

10pm: dogs bark and wake Arie up. Start rocking and white noise process again.

10:45pm: dogs are in their beds for the night. Baby is finally sleeping. Rocking until 11 for good measure and them I'm crawling in bed!

11:10pm. In bed. White noise machine going, white noise app playing, rain storm outside and oscillating fan running. Time to say my prayers and close my eyes!

Monday, October 15, 2012

5 weeks pregnant

This week, Baby is the size of a: (an) appleseed
How far along? 5 weeks, 1 day
Due date: 6.16.12
Total weight gain/loss: +0
Maternity clothes? Not yet. Still in my new jeans that I bought a couple months ago. 
Sleep: not sleeping very well between waking up with Arie and getting up to pee. 
Best moment this week: well it was last Monday, but finding out about baby #2!
Food cravings: none

Movement: none, but since I know what it feels like, I will be on the lookout in a couple months for it!!
Symptoms: low back pain (hopefully today's trip to the Chiropractor helped that!) and hip pain, some round ligament pain, exhaustion and pregnancy brain!
Labor Signs: no, thank the Lord
Stretch Marks yep, leftover stripes from Arie man
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? in
What I miss: not a thing
Feeling toward Pregnancy: Really excited. 
What I am looking forward to: end of first trimester! 
Milestones: over one week of tandem nursing :)
News:  nothing to speak of, just excited and interviewing midwives. Deciding between a birth center and a home birth. 

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Tandem Nursing

I have been searching the Internet frantically trying to find some reliable information about tandem nursing with the spacing my kids will have.

Everything I have found has conflicted. I have seen it from one extreme to the other about whether or not it is possible, with only 1 or 2 examples of the same spacing as my kids.

As is my way, I guess I'll just forge my own path and document it as best I can along the way.

Arie was 7 months and 3 days old when I discovered I was pregnant with number two.

While searching for information, I was advised by some knowledgable midwives that one thing that might help a possible supply dip is pumping. As much as I never wanted to pump, I want to wean even less, so we are on our way to buy a breast pump.

The theory is that if my supply tanks, which I am desperately hoping that it does not, I will have increased my supply so it might level off to what it needs, or, I will have a supply of milk in my freezer.

I am not going to lie, I am not looking forward to pumping one bit. I was hell bent on not pumping at all. But, I am going to do everything in my power to Keep my supply during pregnancy. Especially since I am Arie's only source of food because he is not ready for and has not started solids yet.

All I can really do is chronicle my attempts and write it down in case it helps someone else out there in the world!

So, I am 5 weeks pregnant tomorrow and it looks like there have been no noticeable changes to my supply or my breasts. I have been on the watch for any teeny tiny little change to alert me of this pregnancy, but, so far, nothing. I almost think that I am to the point of imagining things because I have read so many accounts of what it felt like to mothers who have had their supply drop or disappear.

In my opinion, the best advice that I have found so far is to eat a very healthy and balanced diet and stay extremely hydrated. This works out well for me during my Unprocessed October challenge as my diet includes zero junk food and zero processed food of any kind. All of my food is made from scratch.

I have noticed that I have begun to feel tired several days this week and also very hungry between meals. I have been snacking on fruit and nuts in between meals.

Since I am not drinking milk, I am going to have to make a huge effort to eat foods very high in calcium.

I had to laugh at some of the things I found while searching for information such as "wean your baby immediately upon discovering pregnancy!" I am of the mindset that if babies are supposed to be exclusively breastfed for at least year (getting their primary nutrition from it, or formula) that God doesn't make mistakes. I am in excellent health, especially since having Arie and losing 70lbs. I am confident that my body can handle this.

That's my update for now. We are heading home, pump in tow. I'll keep you all updated!

This is taking some time to sink in.

With Arie, I took 3 pregnancy tests.

The first one was because I had a lot of symptoms.  Then Jack and I went to the store and I bought the strongest test that I knew of... a FRER (First Response Early Response) and a digital.  Both of those came back positive.

I believed those tests.

For some reason, I am struggling to believe the 20 or so tests that I have taken.  Just kidding, it's probably been about 12.

Since I am still exclusively nursing Arie and he has such a sensitive little system when we have tried adding in solid foods, we were planning to wait until closer to one year old to really introduce solids.  Then, I discovered that I was pregnant.  I assumed that I would just carry on as normal nursing and then I started looking in to it.

In my research, I have discovered that I can't find any other moms (I'm sure there are some, but I can't find them!) out there who have conceived while breastfeeding a baby who still nurses every 1-3 hours around the clock.  Sure, there are a lot of people who have conceived while the baby they are nursing is a little over one year old, but NONE while the baby is 7 months old and still exclusively breastfed.

Then I began to realize that it was very highly unlikely that even the most fertile of couples would conceive in this scenario.  And then add in our male factor and female factor infertility.  Yup, God does WHATEVER he wants.  Believe in Miracles, folks.  Miracle baby #2 is baking right now.

I will be 5 weeks pregnant tomorrow.  

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Well this is quite unexpected

Yesterday, I took a pregnancy test...

And it was positive!!

God is amazing!! TWO Miracle Babies?!?!

I am speechless!!

Praying for this babe!!!

And praying for my little family, 2 babies 15 months apart!!

I know this isn't anywhere close to as eloquently written as when I found out that I was expecting Arie, but I'm writing this as I rock miracle babe # 1 on my shoulder & using my cell phone app.

I'm praying that our TWO miracle pregnancies are a testament to what an amazing and loving God we have.

I know people will probably think its crazy to be celebrating and shouting for joy when I am 4 weeks pregnant but both Jack and I believe that God numbers all of our days before we are stitched together in the womb and that this baby is no different. Right now, this baby is alive and that's worth celebrating. And whether this baby lives to be 102, or we don't meet until we get to Heaven... Jack and I have TWO miracle babies!!!

What an incredible blessing! I pray that I am not sick and that I NEVER forget how big a blessing this is. I pray that I am grateful again to be sick every day and joyful!

Thank you Lord, I could never imagined such abundant blessings!!

From broken hearted to doubly blessed in 14 months. How Great Thou Art!!

(Please know that I will continue to pray for every longing heart even more, my heart is absolutely still breaking for anyone struggling to build the family of their dreams.)

Saturday, October 6, 2012

7 month update

My little miracle baby is 7 months old today!

He's 15lbs 11.5oz this evening & 27" long.

He's sitting up by himself for longer and longer periods of time and he just figured out how to cruise around in his car walker.

He has two bottom teeth that are the most precious thing I have ever seen.

He loves to be by me at all times and will call Mama when I leave the room.

He's still not sleeping through the night, but that's okay. I know he needs those extra calories especially because he only gained half a pound in the last month.

He's so smiley all day. He wakes up so happy to see me next to him.

He's learning how to tuck his knees under him and he's building up the strength to try to crawl.

He's nursing every 2 hours or less around the clock, but he dream feeds from about 10pm to about 8am.

Cloth diapering is fabulous and it seems to be way more fun now that we have hit the "break even" point and diapering every day is now free except the very minuscule cost of utilities.

Breastfeeding is fabulous.

Arie still has a severe dairy intolerance. It definitely has changed my life and the way I see food and I doubt I will ever go back to eating dairy even a quarter of what I used to.

We have begun introducing a few solids here and there in line with baby led weaning but he has shown signs of being allergic to almost everything we have tried or he has a lot of bowel problems. We spoke with his pediatrician and he will likely be exclusively breastfed until he's one and then we will begin introducing solid foods.

We really couldn't love this child more. I have him with me 24 hours a day and 7 days a week and it doesn't feel like enough. He knows Jack and gets excited when he comes home from work. He's not very fond of very many other people and tolerates them for a few minutes at a time, but is always very happy to be back with his mama.

There hasn't been a day that has gone by in the last 7 months that I haven't thanked God for this amazing gift. We love him and we are so grateful and so blessed.

Oh, and he still looks just like his Mama but every now and then glimpses of Dad peek through. I have a feeling he will have his dad's relaxed personality.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Getting things squared away & getting help

This past week, Jack and I have crossed a lot of things off of our to-do lists by getting some help.

My brother and sister-in-law came over and helped me clean my house and knock out a bunch of chores.

Yesterday we had all of our carpet professionally cleaned and the ceramic tile and grout cleaned.

We are still waiting on our wood order and then when that comes, We will have a ridiculous amount of work to do.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Almost 6 months

It's weird to be counting this type of thing again. This weekend we will have been "trying" for number two for 6 months. It's weird how that number is really no time at all to me.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Getting sick of dairy free diet

Today is one of those days where I'm just sick of being dairy free. I want some cheese, milk, yogurt, and butter.

I'm trying to make a grocery list and that includes a meal plan.

I never in my life thought I would say this, but I am really sick of chocolate. Since that's pretty much the only dessert I can have, I have overdoses on Brownies to the point that I felt so sick after eating some today that I threw up.

I'm to the point where I need a lot more variety in my diet or I would rather just not eat.

I guess I'll go back to drooling over every Pinterest recipe.

Man I look forward to when we can have pizza for dinner again.

Made it through!

I think Jack is really on the men's and Arie and I skated through unscathed. Woooohooo!

In other exciting news, Arie's first official two teeth just popped through. (I say official because he had back teeth cutting through on the bottom on both sides for months now.)

We should be getting our truck load of wood any time now and I'm so excited about that. It's getting chilly in the house and I'm ready to turn on the heat!!

I also LOVE fall weather for so many reasons but my main reason is the cozy clothes!! But this year, I've encountered a problem. It is not easy to nurse my baby in a hoodie!! Bummer!

I'm going to be experimenting with more DIY nursing clothes soon.

I also ordered an ergo baby carrier from baby steals and I'm so excited about that!

Arie had his 6 month appointment on Friday and he's doing great. He's back down on the charts to 8th percentile for weight but in the 40s for height.

21/30 Things... One Superpower

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

I would love to be able to fly. I'd fly everywhere.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

20/30 Things... Three Significant Memories

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

I have been thinking about this one A LOT and I have come to the conclusion that I can't really answer this one as described.

I consider childhood to start from the first thing that you can remember up to 12 years old. I can remember a LOT of things from my childhood, both good and bad, but the most significant memory is my parents divorce and all that surrounded it. Just about every memory has something to do with that, so I will just leave this post at that.

Monday, September 17, 2012

First adventure in parenting with a sick husband

Anyone who has been close enough to a man when they are sick understands "man cold."

That's what's going on under our roof tonight. Jack is sick with something and I think Arie is fighting it, not quite sick yet.

Jack got home from work and brought his laptop home which left me to believe that he was planning to work from home tomorrow. He stopped and picked up some cold pills and some Vicks. I handed him some NyQuil and told him to go to bed. Yup, at 5pm. I brought him some bean and ham soup and a big 1L bottle of water and he has been sleeping pretty much since.

I rubbed some Vicks on Arie's chest and back and slathered a bit on the bottom of his feet and put socks on (try it, it works fabulously!) we skipped bath time tonight in case he isn't feeling well, I didn't want him to be cold and wet.

Today was the first day that I've had to do this entirely on my own. Last night, Arie was kind of congested and woke up almost hourly, so I barely slept. Now here it is, 10pm and Jack is sleeping in the guest bed and Arie fell asleep and I'm rocking to make sure he's out.

I'm just watching to make sure Arie doesn't start coughing or get hoarse or get a fever. I haven't checked to see if Jack is running a temperature because I didn't want to get too close.

Hopefully tomorrow goes smoothly. I stuffed diapers tonight and tomorrow I have laundry to put away and I think I am going to try to find things to do out of the house so that we can steer clear of germs if Jack stays home.

One thing is for sure, as much as I hate that Arie might ever not feel well, being the one who can comfort him by a simple back rub or hug really is absolutely every special thing that I imagined. This feeling is amazing. Makes me love my mom more because I remember being sick and wanting comfort. I hope I don't get sick... My mom will have to come over ;)

I better get some sleep while I can. And, I need rest to ward off me getting sick too!

Monday, September 10, 2012

Sunday, September 9, 2012

19/30 Things... If I Could Live Anywhere

19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

Montana... with Amish people.  Montana is beautiful & Amish people are amazing people of faith.

18/30 Things... Most Difficult Thing to Forgive

18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

Without getting into the details, since this is one part of my life that I choose not to share on my blog...

Everything that happened leading up to mine & Jack's wedding day and how I have been treated ever since.

Since the situation is ongoing, it is very difficult to make a decision to forgive continually.  I hope and pray for a complete resolution where complete forgiveness can be achieved.

It's hard because our wedding day should be our happiest day, and we left in tears and we can't look at our pictures without remembering how cruelly we were treated that day... like I said, it's choosing every day to forgive.

17/30 Things... What I Wish I Could Do

17. What is the thing you most wish you were able to do well?

The grammar of the questions leaves something to be desired.

I wish I could play the guitar so that I could play and sing.

16/30 Things... Five Greatest Accomplishments

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

  1. Giving my life to Christ in 2006.  Humbling myself and asking for forgiveness from my savior is the best thing I've ever done and will ever do in this life.
  2. Reading the whole Bible.  I need to do it again. (And again, and again, and again, etc.)
  3. Staying married.  We have gone through some trials that could have easily ripped apart our marriage and God has seen us through.  Fifth wedding anniversary is in two months!
  4. Drug free labor & delivery.  (Until hour 20/21... and my epidural was a total dud!)  I feel like a total badass.
  5. 6 Months (so far) of exclusively breastfeeding.

15/30 Things... If I Were an Animal

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

Questions like this are really silly... I guess bird, so I could fly.

14/30 Things... Five Strengths

14. Describe 5 strengths you have.

Of course this one will probably prove to be more difficult since it's always hard to see positive things about yourself.

  1. I am a good cook and baker.  
  2. I am honest. 
  3. I know who I am and I am true to myself.  The me you get to know is the real me.  
  4. I am a good mom.  
  5. I am a good and loyal wife.  

13/30 Things... Five Weaknesses

13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

Well, this should be really easy... since I have far more than five weaknesses.  So, how about the first five that I can think of off the top of my head.

  1. Handling situations with grace.  I grew up speaking my mind and never really holding my tongue, which can be a good thing, but it's something that I'm hoping the Lord changes in me as I grow.  I would prefer to be slow to react and slow to speak and I struggle with this one a lot.  It takes concentrated effort to not respond quickly with the first thing that comes to mind, and although my feelings and thoughts might be the same when I do respond to a situation, I am able to put more effort into not making my words so biting and cutting.
  2. I'm not a perfect housekeeper or even close.  I would REALLY like to get better at this and I need to find a way to work with having a 6 month old and using my slings and wraps and carriers to have him with me while I do house work.  Now that he's 6 months, I should experiment with back carries. 
  3. Not finishing what I start when it comes to social commitments.  Since Jack and I have been together, I have noticed that I really do not like to be in social situations for a long period of time without him.  I don't know why, but I just have a hard time with things like a book club or something and sticking with it from the beginning to the end.  I'm attempting to change this by getting involved with a moms group and another moms group at church.
  4. I am far too trusting.  I give people that I hardly know or people that I do know and should not trust way too much ammo to hurt me with.  For some reason, I give infinite opportunities to people to cut me down and hurt me and stab me in the back.  I am not a doormat, I am a human being and I have value.  Being a Christian or a nice person does not mean that I deserve to be a punching bag.
  5. I don't share my faith enough.  I live it out as best as I can, but I don't take the time when someone asks how I'm doing to really share what God has been doing in my life.  It's fear in two parts: first, that people are only asking to be polite and don't really want to hear a real response; and second, that I might offend someone by mentioning God or giving credit to God in my every day conversation.  

12/30 Things... Typical Day in the Life

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

See this blog post written on August 13, 2012.

11/30 Things... 10 Pet Peeves

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

While this little blogging challenge is not really that difficult or too time consuming, I'm starting to notice a little bit of a negative trend.  :/  I'm apprehensively writing down this list... although I'm not sure of the point of listing pet peeves.

1.  People who walk the fence... Pick a position and stick with it.  Don't just teeter back and forth, trying to please everyone; actually stand up for what you believe in.
2.  Know what you believe in... I don't like it when people argue things that they don't even have a grasp of the concept.  It's obvious to me when someone has educated themselves and fully understand the stand they have chosen to take, and equally as obvious when they are just repeating what they have heard.
3.  Noises from the mouth... like chewing and licking and eating.  My dogs and cat are not allowed to lick themselves around me.  What's funny about this one is that I thought the sound of my baby nursing would drive me INSANE and I had no idea how I was going to deal with that, but it isn't even a blip on my radar!
4.  Bad drivers.  I feel like people don't understand how dangerous being a bad driver can be.
5.  People who push their beliefs on other people... I mean, does ANYONE like this?
6.  People who insist that others be tolerant of their beliefs but do not extend the same courtesy to others.
7.  Wearing shoes in my house.  I have dogs that go outside (obviously) and I am constantly battling dirt on the floors.... and I'm trying to keep my floors as clean as possible.  I am just not a fan of anyone wearing shoes in my house at all.
8.  Intrusive questions.  Somehow, society today has become increasingly nosy and rude and I've noticed a massive amount of people that I don't know, or even some that I do, feel like it's okay to ask very personal questions.  It takes so much grace to answer these questions politely and to express discomfort about these questions and I'm really don't do a great job with that... I wish people wouldn't do this, but I need to work on ways to be better about changing the subject or refusing to answer politely.  A rude question doesn't need a rude response, I need to remember that! (If you have any tips on this, I'd love to hear it!)

Meh. That's good enough.