I woke up around 5 this morning feeling super nauseous. I went to the bathroom thinking that I might need to throw up, but I didn't end up throwing up. I got back in bed and played on my phone for 2 1/2 hours. At 7:30 I finally decided to get up and go get some breakfast. Some yogurt and blueberries later, I'm sitting here waiting for Jack to wake up.
Today is Jack's last vacation day until the birth of our child. I guess it's only right for me to let him sleep in. ;)
It's just so hard to imagine how fast the next two and a half months are going to go by. I have 75 days left until my estimated due date. Could be more, could be less until our baby is here.
I've been thinking a lot about all different aspects of what is coming in the following months.
Next weekend and the weekend after are my baby showers. I can't even believe that I am having a baby shower at all, let alone two! It's still shocking to me that I'm pregnant. I ran into an old co-worker from the beginning of 2011 over the weekend and when he asked me what was new with me, I stepped out from behind the counter to reveal my shape and said, I'm due in March. He said congratulations and made a joke that Jack and I wasted no time getting on that, since I got pregnant only a few months after no longer working there. I said no, actually, it took us years. :)
I'm super excited for my showers. It's just so exciting to get to do what normal people who are expecting a baby do. We have already bought about 99% of what we need for baby, so the shower is basically just a party to be celebrating the upcoming birth of our first and miracle baby!! I've had a lot of support from family and friends over the last couple years and I'm excited to get to share this incredible joy that Jack and I have with them. I'm smiling already just thinking about how fun it will be to just be talking about the baby at a party for the baby!!
After my showers, I think all that is left for me to do is get the rest of the cloth diapers that I'm going to need and wash clothes and figure out some way to organize everything between the nursery and our room.
I haven't really talked much about our parenting plans or my labor and delivery plans yet, mostly because I wasn't ready to share so publicly after infertility. Our choices are not up for discussion, and we have thought out and researched what we are planning to do, so when I'm sharing them I hope people understand that I'm not sharing them to get feedback... I'm just writing notes to myself and to my readers. I don't really anticipate a lot of feedback or really kickback about whatever we are planning, but it doesn't hurt to say in advance that this is not up for discussion! :)
My strongest desire is to have a natural, intervention, medicine free birth. I do not want pitocin, I do not want IV fluids, I do not want to be told when to push and for how long. I do not want an episiotomy. I have COMPLETE faith that my body was designed to birth a baby and that giving birth is a natural part of life. I do NOT think that birth is a medical emergency. (OBVIOUSLY - There are situations of medical emergency with labor and delivery... please try not to jump to ignorant conclusions and get all bent out of shape.) I believe that doctors have medicalized birth as much as they can, and that a healthy, natural delivery is ENTIRELY possible. Jack and I researched a home birth and while I would definitely like to have a home birth, instead I chose a hospital that as closely reflected my views on delivery as possible. I will have a jacuzzi tub in my room to labor in, I want to be able to move freely during labor and I plan to stay at home and labor at home as long as possible. My dream is to show up pushing. I am fully confident in my body and it's ability to do what God designed it to do.
I am going to breastfeed. Since I will be a stay at home mom, I don't have to worry about going back to work at the end of my maternity leave and pumping... at least not right away I won't be worrying about that. I know that this is a hot topic too... And I am using specific language, and in case I rub people the wrong way... I know some women aren't successful. I know some aren't able. I am going to give it everything I've got.
We are going to cloth diaper. For many reasons. Mainly, my mom cloth diapered and LOVED it. She had 6 babies total cloth diapered (4 of her own and 2 foster babies) and she still loved it. Also, cost. We have our own washer and dryer, we have our own well and septic field. We have a clothes line. The cost of disposable diapers will be astronomical and we just don't want to have to budget for that. Cloth diapers are a one time cost. Thirdly, health factors. I have incredibly sensitive skin. My husband has somewhat sensitive skin. So the idea of the huge amount of chemicals that are in disposable diapers being right up on his skin 24 hours a day 7 days a week for about 2 years... that just doesn't sit well with me. I like the idea of 100% Cotton... and most times Organic Cotton being the only thing that is touching his parts. And lastly, I know that a lot of people cloth diaper for environmental reasons... while I would like to say that I am in no way part of the "green" movement or an environmentalist by any definition... I do believe in being a good steward of the Earth. Disposable diapering is just a HUGE amount of trash, and if I can make a difference by NOT throwing that much stuff away... That's alright by me. While I don't personally believe that we will be here that much longer (Dear Jesus, if you're reading this, go ahead and come on back today if you'd like!) I still don't want to contribute that much garbage. Just my personal opinion.
We are going to co-sleep. (Co-sleeping means having the baby in the same room with you, bed-sharing means having the baby sleeping in your bed with you.) I plan to sleep with a basinette/pack'n'play next to my side of the bed for easy access to night time feedings. I also will not be upset if we fall asleep during night time nursings with him in the bed with us. I'm sure we will get more sleep if I don't have to wake up to a baby crying on the monitor and walk down the hall and take the baby out of the crib and sit in a chair and nurse him for 10-45 minutes in the middle of the night and rock him back to sleep and then walk back to my room and go back to sleep... plus the stress of wanting to get up and check on him throughout the night will keep me from sleeping too... this way all I need to do is look to my right and he will be right there.
We are going to baby wear. You won't see me lugging my car seat into the grocery store to precariously perch on top of the shopping cart... I will have a wrap on that I can easily slip my child into and I will be able to carry my child through the grocery store / mall / WHATEVER. I don't believe it's possible to spoil a baby, so I do not follow the school of thought that it's possible to hold the baby "too much." I waited years for this baby and I plan to hold him as much as I can.
With all of my plans, it gets me to thinking that obviously not everything goes the way you plan. Jack and I planned to have kids right after we got married. Well, we just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary a few months ago... so, no one knows better than us that things do not always go as planned. I think the thing I am MOST nervous about is the possibility of having a c-section. I do NOT want a c-section. I am terrified of this. I will do whatever is necessary and best for my child to get him here safely, but I do NOT want a c-section if given a choice that doesn't put our health at risk.
Around our house, there's not much left to do to really get ready for AJ to be here. I will need to do a couple loads of baby clothes laundry and prep the remaining cloth diapers that we either receive at our showers or buy ourselves. We will need to set up the pack'n'play (that we will hopefully get from our showers!) and organize a diaper changing station. We will need to install a diaper sprayer to the toilet in the bathroom upstairs so that we can clean our diapers off before putting them in the wet/dry bag before laundry.
I realize how incredibly random this post has been.
One more random thought: Jack and I are thinking about getting maternity photos done. They are going to be kind of expensive but the way Jack put it, we have NO way of knowing if we will ever experience this again... and this would be the only time we would be able to even get maternity pictures done... so we should do it. I'm not sure yet. I don't know where we would have them taken. Maybe our house? I have no clue.
I guess this is all the random thoughts I feel like writing down this morning.