My anxiety about having a birth center birth finally bubbled over today. I told Jack how all of my fears and issues with Arie's birth feel so fresh and that I feel like I was violated and I have a really hard time trusting an environment so close to a hospital to give me a different experience than the one I had.
I don't like a lot of little things about the birth center so far, like the mandatory orientation. I have better things to do with my time. They also want you to take some class that costs money and I refuse.
I also don't like their 24 hour time limit, that you have to be in active labor or else you are kicked out and headed to the hospital. I don't want to do the GBS test because I wouldn't accept iv antibiotics either way and I think that could be problematic as well.
Our tax return this year is right about what Eileen's fee is for a home birth and we decided to go for it.
I quickly sent Eileen a message to see if she could be my midwife instead of my doula and she said absolutely!! I'm so excited!!! I cried happy tears.
I'm so relieved about this. There is NO stress now about making sure to leave for the birth center at exactly the right time so that I'm far enough along to avoid interventions but not so far along that I might have the baby on the side of the road.
I'm excited that my mom can come to our house and Arie can stay at home and have the least stress possible put on him while I'm in labor, delivering, and recovering. There's no stress to want to hurry up and rush home.
There's no bags to pack. No suitcases worth of stuff. No stress about always being totally on top of Arie's laundry and diaper laundry in case that day was THE day.
I'm actually excited about the ease of including more people in the process, or being able to have a much more stress free process when it comes to other people.
I'm so happy to be able to prepare to birth in a stress and pressure free environment where I don't need to be fearful or tense about fighting off unnecessary interventions just because they are the way that doctor does it.
I am excited to grow closer with God and experience how He intended birth to be.
I'm so pumped about a water birth if that's what feels most comfortable at the time.
I'm excited about not worrying about who is watching our house or caring for our dogs and cat.
I'm excited for better pictures and to share this awesome experience with other people and hopefully empower other women and let them see that childbirth is awesome and not to be feared.
I'm glad to have a caregiver that I never have to worry if her advice is based on greed as an alterior motive. My needs will 100% be what she's thinking of. Not protocol, not liability, not what time she wants to rush out of there. She has a passion for healthy moms and healthy babies and I know she's there for me 100%.
I'm excited about having student doulas or midwives in training be there to learn and experience it too.
I'm excited about one big exciting birth party at my house. I can just picture lots of food and fresh baked goodies and ladies talking and having a great time waiting for the birth of number two... As opposed to nurses coming in to bother me and attempt to persuade me to start a cascade of intervention.
This will be an entirely different experience. It will be so much more exciting because I'm not a first time mom. There is no fear of the unknown of labor. I know that every labor can be different but at least I know that I will have a team of experienced support that knows exactly what's normal for an intervention free childbirth. I will have women who have seen and experienced it all and maybe other women who are there seeing it for the first time.
I feel so free by this decision. I'm so happy and so so excited for June. Baby party!!!!!
My first midwife appointment with Eileen is on March 4th and Jack will be going with me.
I have a midwife appointment at the practice on March 7th too that I had invited my mil to come to to see for herself what midwife care is like. I'm not sure if I'm going to keep seeing them, but I think Eileen recommended having concurrent care in case of an emergency.
The only problem is that I don't want their routine tests. :/ we will see. I will talk to Eileen and see what she says on the 4th!