I have not been eating that well the past few days, and it has REALLY started to affect my attitude. I'm so so irritable and grouchy. I desperately need to change that today.
And, now, it's almost 3:30am, Arie nursed at 2:30am and I'm rocking and hoping to put him back in the crib. I'm starting to feel nauseous. I hate that. So I'm grouchy as can be and now nauseous and Arie doesn't deserve to have me be short tempered. (I guess Jack doesn't either, but he's not awake, and not subject to me right now lol)
I also started feeling restless legs this evening, which is a sure sign to me that I need to be much more vigilant about taking my vitamins!
I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought a TON of beef, I must be low on Iron! Lol
Also, we finally bit the bullet and bought some baby girl clothes. I kinda regret doing it because now I'm super excited about possibly having a girl. I remember either before Arie was born or right after talking to my MIL about having more children. Everyone (well, most people who know us) knows that we don't prevent pregnancy, although I bet people will think we will change our mind after this... And I think the subject of having all boys came up. I remember telling mil about some girl that I watch on YouTube who has 5 boys. I remember telling her that I would love to have five boys.
This is an aspect of being team green that I did not expect. It is really hard to hope for one or the other, and I'm really trying not to. Up until recently, I've just said, and fully believed, that it makes absolutely zero difference what the sex of the baby is. And I was/am right, so I don't know what my issue is now.
If we have a boy, we have absolutely Everything covered. We've been there, done that (aside from this time not circumcising, but that's much less work this time!) we have all of the wardrobe, and likely it will be correct for the appropriate seasons again, and we will always have a hand me down wardrobe for him. I adore being a mom to a boy. Love love love having a son. I desperately wanted Arie to be a boy and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Somehow, somewhere, however, I have found myself getting excited about maybe having a girl too. And instead of feeling like its really crazy exciting either way, which is the reality, I feel like I will be disappointed either way. What?! No seriously! I don't understand what is going on in my brain, and it's driving me bonkers.
Eileen (my midwife) sent me a message yesterday letting me know that they are offering free ultrasounds done by students at a local college this weekend. I immediately replied no thanks, but now my resolve has started to crumble. I have started to question my team green decision and Jack is no help. He doesn't remind me of why I wanted team green, he just repeats that he's always wanted to know and that it's up to me.
I think after Saturday passes and the opportunity passes, I will feel much better. I also think I need to go through Arie's newborn clothing and get excited all over again about having a boy. Then I can be back to equally as excited for both and get out of this stupid funk. I mean, come ON! I'm having ANOTHER miracle baby, and we didn't even have to wait for this one!!
It's stupid that I'm feeling so overly emotional all triggered by the offer of an ultrasound and clothes shopping. I did buy a super cute newborn boy outfit yesterday too. I don't understand my brain right now. Being pregnant does insane things to your rational mind.
It's 3:45am, I'm tired and grouchy. I also stayed up until after 11 because I had put Arie in his crib again for the first stretch and I didn't expect it to last. He ended up not waking up until 12:30, so I got a little over 2 hours of him in the crib. He usually sleeps a long stretch from now until maybe 6 or 6:30, (lol at 3 hours being a long stretch for a 13 month old).
Oh yeah, I bet that's another reason I'm grouchy. I'm to the point in my pregnancy where I'm irritable with being kicked or scratched or climbed on, so to get more comfortable sleep, I want my space, hence why Arie is now being put in his crib after he falls asleep... The only problem is, I can't sleep without him! Lose/lose!
Hopefully we both get used to him in his crib. He's just at the foot of the bed and its muuuuch less scary than when he was a newborn and I put him in there.
Pregnancy is making me a lunatic.